Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23
Last year I decided that each January I would pray and ask God to give me a "verse" for the year that I would meditate on and use to guide me. Interestingly enough, in 2009 I vowed to be content in all circumstances and "take all thoughts captive to Christ". I guess the Lord knew what I needed before I did because little did I realize that I was about to enter into one of the most toxic and manipulative relationships I have ever been in. Getting out was literally like escaping a spider's web and the enemy fought a battle over my head to try and keep me captive to it's influence. I can't explain it other than to say that when I was trying to break free I literally felt so much internal turmoil that I knew it was not just a physical issue but a spiritual one as well. God made it clear that in order for Him to take me where we needed to go this relationship needed to be CUT OFF! Literally. My enemy fought hard and still is to entangle me. And because of the degree of mind manipulation I was in, it physically and emotionally felt like I was cutting a limb off. Humbly I felt after the fact like someone who had been in a cult; I looked behind me and was embarrassed, dumb-founded, and asking myself how did you let someone like that have so much influence over you? The truth is....because there was a vulnerability in my own heart that I should have let God fill but instead I looked elsewhere and my enemy was quick to notice.
So this Valentines' day I am learning to guard my heart; don't get me wrong that doesn't mean I'm not going to love generously or let people in...I usually wear my heart on my sleeve. But I now realize I need to guard the influence that I allow people to have over me. Why? Because out of it flows my ability to fulfill my calling in Christ and lead others to the well-spring of life. When God is taking me to a higher place in my destiny, I need to be very careful who is holding the ladder for me. The last few months have been emotionally very hard for me, but my God is faithful to finish a good work in me. The knowledge of that makes my heart full. Happy Valentines!
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So true. Until I read this, I had only thought of 'guarding your heart' in terms of male-female relationships, thanks for the fresh perspective!
ReplyDeleteI completely understood the part where you said it literally felt like you were cutting off a limb. Through my husband, and God, they led me to realize that I too was in a "toxic" relationship... that was not uplifting nor was it healthy for my children or I. Luckily, after my marriage, the relationship ended on its own because as a married woman... I was no longer "fun". So glad that you too, are in a happoer place with Christ! Love you,
ReplyDeleteJenn!