On May 25, 2026 Greg and I celebrate our 30th
anniversary. The 30th
Anniversary is known as the “Pearl Anniversary”. In reflecting on the symbol of
this anniversary, I decided to do some research on how pearls are made in
nature. This led me to some profound thoughts about enduring marriage, and how
in particular Greg has fundamentally demonstrated this kind of love for me repeatedly.
A pearl forms initially because there is irritation inside
the shell of the oyster. As a form of protection, the oyster encases it with a compound
substance known as “Nacre.” This substance, which is valued for its iridescence
and lustrous finish, is renowned for its toughness and physical strength. Nacre
is composed of two different substances that are layered by the oyster in a
brick-and-mortar type of structure. The bricks are aragonite and the mortar is
conchiolin; the alternate layers of which are extremely durable and prevent any
cracks.
It is the repetitive process of the layering of nacre that creates the unique and precious qualities of the pearl. The more layers of nacre = the higher the luster of the pearl. In other words, the thicker the layers, the more it reflects the light. Grit under pressure produces a thing of beauty. To me, this sounds a lot like a loving and lasting marriage.
When I pondered about this process and how it could mimic
marriage, in many ways it resembled the process of sanctification. To sanctify
something, means to set it apart. In
this case, a sanctified marriage is one that God uses for his purposes. God designed the mystery of marriage to help
make two flawed creatures learn how to work together, love sacrificially and in
the process of enduring ultimately become more holy (or beautiful). Your
marriage was divinely designed to make you more like Christ; becoming more like
Christ is the process of sanctification. God’s design for your marriage has not simply
provided you with the spouse you want; His plan provides you with the one you
need. Your marriage is a tool by which
God produces individual and corporate spiritual growth. And if we are honest
with ourselves, we know this is not an easy or painless process. It is a lifelong continual building and
layering, which over time, can help us reflect the light of Christ to the rest
of the world. Paul puts it this way, “Husbands love your wife like Christ loved
the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having
cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present
her to himself, radiant.”
The constant laying down of self to cover your spouse, like
the layers that constitute a pearl, are what enduring marriages display. This
is not happenstance; this is a deliberate and repeated choice by each partner. The people who stay married for decades are
the people who choose repeatedly to invest in the same person through different
versions of themselves; the choice to stay is made and remade, constantly. It
is not made once. Here's the clincher: A God honoring marriage does this even when it costs us
personally to do so. That is what real love does; it covers. It covers imperfections. It covers mistakes.
It covers weakness. It covers life’s pains. “Love covers over all wrongs.”
(Proverbs 10:12) The bible gives us three wonderful examples of
what this kind of love (called agape or sacrificial love) looks like.
The first example occurred in the garden with the first
marriage. When Adam and Eve walked with God, before sin entered the picture,
the bible tells us, “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no
shame.” But as soon as they disobeyed God, they experienced shame and attempted
to cover themselves. God immediately interceded. “The Lord God
made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.” God covered them
and it required a sacrifice to do so. God modeled at the very beginning what
love looks like. It covers shame.
The next example involves the story of Ruth and Boaz. Boaz is
a man of great wealth who shows compassion and kindness to Ruth. He is described
as her “kinsman redeemer”, or the one who by his relation would buy her
inheritance and remove her shame. Ruth is advised by her mother-in-law to go
the place where the men are gathering barley at night. This behavior could
easily be misconstrued and in fact makes Ruth very vulnerable. Boaz instead
“covers her with corner of his garment” and ensures that not only does her
virtue remain intact to others but determines to become the man who redeems her
fully. Boaz is felt to be an archetype of Christ. It is Christ, who is our kinsman
redeemer, who is the best of example of a love who covers.
Christ covered us with the ultimate sacrifice. “But God
demonstrated his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ
died for us.” His blood covers all our flaws,
and this covering imputes righteousness or a luster to us that we can never
attain on our own. For those of us in Christ, God does not see our flaws or
imperfections, but instead like the beauty of the pearl, he sees the radiance
of Christ. Every time we love our spouse sacrificially, we also display this
type of love for the whole world to see. Every time Greg has covered me by
loving me at my lowest and weakest points, I have also experienced the love of
God firsthand. This is why marriage is such a profound mystery. (Ephesians
5:31-32) And as I have intimately learned, every time I experienced this kind
of love from Greg, it only served to strengthen the brick-and-mortar integrity
of our marriage.
Having a Christ centered marriage is the most underrated
competitive advantage in life. My husband doesn’t complete me. He makes it
possible for me to go all in on everything else because the foundation isn’t
shaking. Of course, neither of us always does this perfectly. Because, in our flesh and core, we are still
flawed and sinful creatures. We are both daily wrestling out our faith and
sometimes we will fall short. However, with God’s help the goal of a marriage is
designed to point and reflect to a relationship with God. Nothing
compounds your life like a great marriage or an unwavering faith. Love, like a radiant
pearl, covers over the hard bits of life. This is something the world needs to
witness. Thank you God that Greg has done this for me for over 30 years. Happy “Pearl
Anniversary”, my love.
