30 Years, Our Pearl Anniversary: An Open Letter to My Husband

 

On May 25, 2026 Greg and I celebrate our 30^th anniversary.  The 30^th Anniversary is known as the “Pearl Anniversary”. In reflecting on the symbol of this anniversary, I decided to do some research on how pearls are made in nature. This led me to some profound thoughts about enduring marriage, and how in particular Greg has fundamentally demonstrated this kind of love for me repeatedly.

 

A pearl forms initially because there is irritation inside the shell of the oyster. As a form of protection, the oyster encases it with a compound substance known as “Nacre.” This substance, which is valued for its iridescence and lustrous finish, is renowned for its toughness and physical strength. Nacre is composed of two different substances that are layered by the oyster in a brick-and-mortar type of structure. The bricks are aragonite and the mortar is conchiolin; the alternate layers of which are extremely durable and prevent any cracks.

It is the repetitive process of the layering of nacre that creates the unique and precious qualities of the pearl. The more layers of nacre = the higher the luster of the pearl. In other words, the thicker the layers, the more it reflects the light.  Grit under pressure produces a thing of beauty. To me, this sounds a lot like a loving and lasting marriage.

 

When I pondered about this process and how it could mimic marriage, in many ways it resembled the process of sanctification. To sanctify something, means to set it apart.  In this case, a sanctified marriage is one that God uses for his purposes.  God designed the mystery of marriage to help make two flawed creatures learn how to work together, love sacrificially and in the process of enduring ultimately become more holy (or beautiful). Your marriage was divinely designed to make you more like Christ; becoming more like Christ is the process of sanctification.  God’s design for your marriage has not simply provided you with the spouse you want; His plan provides you with the one you need.  Your marriage is a tool by which God produces individual and corporate spiritual growth. And if we are honest with ourselves, we know this is not an easy or painless process.  It is a lifelong continual building and layering, which over time, can help us reflect the light of Christ to the rest of the world. Paul puts it this way, “Husbands love your wife like Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present her to himself, radiant.”

The constant laying down of self to cover your spouse, like the layers that constitute a pearl, are what enduring marriages display. This is not happenstance; this is a deliberate and repeated choice by each partner.  The people who stay married for decades are the people who choose repeatedly to invest in the same person through different versions of themselves; the choice to stay is made and remade, constantly. It is not made once. Here's the clincher:  A God honoring marriage does this even when it costs us personally to do so. That is what real love does; it covers.  It covers imperfections. It covers mistakes. It covers weakness. It covers life’s pains. “Love covers over all wrongs.” (Proverbs 10:12)   The bible gives us three wonderful examples of what this kind of love (called agape or sacrificial love) looks like.

The first example occurred in the garden with the first marriage. When Adam and Eve walked with God, before sin entered the picture, the bible tells us, “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” But as soon as they disobeyed God, they experienced shame and attempted to cover themselves. God immediately interceded. “The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.” God covered them and it required a sacrifice to do so. God modeled at the very beginning what love looks like. It covers shame.

The next example involves the story of Ruth and Boaz. Boaz is a man of great wealth who shows compassion and kindness to Ruth. He is described as her “kinsman redeemer”, or the one who by his relation would buy her inheritance and remove her shame. Ruth is advised by her mother-in-law to go the place where the men are gathering barley at night. This behavior could easily be misconstrued and in fact makes Ruth very vulnerable. Boaz instead “covers her with corner of his garment” and ensures that not only does her virtue remain intact to others but determines to become the man who redeems her fully. Boaz is felt to be an archetype of Christ. It is Christ, who is our kinsman redeemer, who is the best of example of a love who covers.

Christ covered us with the ultimate sacrifice. “But God demonstrated his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  His blood covers all our flaws, and this covering imputes righteousness or a luster to us that we can never attain on our own. For those of us in Christ, God does not see our flaws or imperfections, but instead like the beauty of the pearl, he sees the radiance of Christ. Every time we love our spouse sacrificially, we also display this type of love for the whole world to see. Every time Greg has covered me by loving me at my lowest and weakest points, I have also experienced the love of God firsthand. This is why marriage is such a profound mystery. (Ephesians 5:31-32) And as I have intimately learned, every time I experienced this kind of love from Greg, it only served to strengthen the brick-and-mortar integrity of our marriage.

Having a Christ centered marriage is the most underrated competitive advantage in life. My husband doesn’t complete me. He makes it possible for me to go all in on everything else because the foundation isn’t shaking. Of course, neither of us always does this perfectly.  Because, in our flesh and core, we are still flawed and sinful creatures. We are both daily wrestling out our faith and sometimes we will fall short. However, with God’s help the goal of a marriage is designed to point and reflect to a relationship with God. Nothing compounds your life like a great marriage or an unwavering faith. Love, like a radiant pearl, covers over the hard bits of life. This is something the world needs to witness. Thank you God that Greg has done this for me for over 30 years. Happy “Pearl Anniversary”, my love.