Why I Ran a Marathon: Because Life is Not a Sprint.

 

Dopey Challenge 2023

When you tell people that you just ran a race, it is not uncommon for a few folks to respond back with a question: "Well, did you win?" The answer I suppose depends on how one defines winning.  If you are comparing your race to the performance of others, winning is getting to the finish fastest. If you are running the race that is set out for you alone, winning is not necessarily being first. In fact, from a biblical view that shouldn't be our goal at all. It is finishing well. Winning is when you keep going, when it would be so much easier to quit. Paul puts it this way in 2nd Timothy 4:7: You fight the good fight, you finish the race, you keep the faith.

 In God's economy, forward is a pace. 

So, this leads me to the reasons why I decided to run a marathon. The truth is that I had run one many years ago. It was over 20 years ago to be exact. It was so painful that I vowed never to run another one...one and done! Looking back, I now know why the experience was so difficult. It was because my training was woefully inadequate. Running a marathon requires not just months of physical training. It also requires simultaneous mental training. It requires prioritizing recovery and nutrition. It requires a particular set of priorities that doesn't just focus on running the race and getting to the finish line but running the race well. Running a marathon is an endurance race. You don't sprint. You pace yourself for the long run. You train not so the race will be easy. You train so you can endure it. Endurance is a mindset. How do we develop that mindset? We endure. 

In the beginning months of 2022, I began to realize I was going to need this kind of mindset. Life handed me a set of difficult circumstances that required me to pivot both personally and professionally. In faith, I knew that the end would be rewarding (even though I couldn't see the finish line.) I had walked with God long enough to know that His word promises to work all things to our good for those who believe in him. (Romans 8:28) But I also realized to actually live that kind of faith in my current circumstances would require me to be strong in a way mentally I had never faced before. I knew I would be tempted to quit. Not just on myself, but in my faith that God would redeem it.  I have always understood the similarity of running a race to my own discipleship. My whole blog is based on it.  Seeing the spiritual and mental challenge placed before me, it was right then I decided I was going to do the Dopey Challenge. It is four races over four days: 5k,10k, Half-marathon, and then Full Marathon for a total of 48.6 miles. Go big or go home, right? It seemed like the right challenge. 

Running like golf is a simple sport. It doesn't take long to figure out in your head what you need to do. It's all about getting what's in your head down into your body. You aim to develop muscle memory from your practice or training, so that it just comes out of you naturally. That is what following Jesus is all about. It's taking our head knowledge and turning it into heart knowledge so that it naturally flows out of your person. That is the essence of discipleship. Taking a wholistic approach to maturing in Christ, I believe, means having your mind and your body work together. God didn't say our minds are the temple of the Holy Spirit. He says our bodies are. 

"Do you not know that your bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, and you have received from God? You are not your own, You were bought with a price. So honor God with your bodies." -1st Corinth 6: 19-20.

If the way the Holy Spirit works in my life is also through my body, then what I do with it directly affects my spiritual walk. If I choose to endure with my body, I can teach my mind and emotions to do the same. And vice versa.  Any running coach will tell you:  your mind will want to give up long before your body actually does. So, if the goal is to develop an endurance mindset, I determined I would choose a physical challenge that would require me to do so as well. It's called neuroplasticity: you become what you meditate on. Jesus called these spiritual disciplines. As believers we should practice certain behaviors because they ultimately form us as followers of Christ. An example is fasting. Fasting is a physical denial of something in your body, like food. It is a way we connect with God through our stomach. This may seem odd, but when you learn to deny yourself in this area through practice, it makes it easier to deny yourself being reactionary in other areas in your life. Like when somebody offends you or your tempted to sin. Every time I kept going on the long run when I wanted to quit, I was training my spirit to fight the good fight of faith when the next difficult moment comes. It helps to have a short mantra to repeat to yourself. Mine was "Don't Quit on Yourself." To endure a challenge, you have to know your why. That is what you will call upon in the moments you want to quit.  My "WHY" was buried within my mantra: I will physically train my body so I will teach my mind and my emotions what they need to do. "For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." 1st Timothy 4:8. Others may quit on you, "Don't Quit on Yourself." Every mile became a spiritual formation that I can do hard things. My training was less about a finish line and more about who I was becoming through it. 

 Running those long miles has taught me several lessons for life:

1. Slow down and be intentional with my energy. When you train for a marathon, you deliberately run most of your mileage at a slower pace. This prevents injuries. I saw God doing this in my circumstances as well. How you fuel for endurance is very important. Be careful what you allow to nourish your being. Prioritize recovery. If you don't fill your own cup, you can't pour out to others. 

2. You're allowed to find joy in difficult circumstances. It is a choice. I wrote a past blog all about who modeled this for me. Joy along with endurance is a mindset. Run Disney is such a metaphor for this.  

3. Take pride in your accomplishments without comparison to others. Run your race. When this is your perspective, you don't lose. We either win or we learn. Failure is only feedback. Pick yourself up and move forward. Forward is a pace. Did I win my races? The answer is yes! I finished and I finished well. It brought literal tears to my eyes knowing I was going to cross that finish line. The real prize was knowing that God was literally with me every step of the way. Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." 

4. Never say never to God. I said I would never run another marathon. But that was before I knew what I was going to need in this season of life. God's grace carried me through all of it; physically and mentally. My part was to not quit. The places in life where you are most afraid is exactly where He will gently lead you. Why? So, you can conquer your fear. Your fears are the place you probably most misunderstand who God is and who He created you to be. "If God is for us, who can be against us? I want to challenge you to meditate on this scripture alone. To meditate means to rehearse. How different would our lives be if we operated without fear? .... Romans 8 affirms that if you really understand how much God is for you (so much so that he did not spare his own son, but gave him up for us all) then you can face any challenge. We are "more than conquerors"... of finish lines, 48.6 miles, or whatever life throws our way. There is nothing that separates you from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. Finishing a marathon, is a state of mind that anything is possible with Christ. This past year, I have experienced firsthand knowledge of this.

 If you want to run, run a mile. If you want to experience a different life, run a marathon. 

God WITH Us: Advent Reflections on My Past Year

 I've spent a lot of time thinking about this past year. How could I not, right? When you experience a major life upheaval that points you in a completely new direction, for most people, it is accompanied by some introspection. 

I spend a lot of time now driving in my car. The truth is I am not fully transitioned to my new home (which is under construction) so I am in this weird limbo between the old and new. And most days that involves about an hour-long commute. So, I recently decided to begin listening to faith-based podcasts during my drive. It is an hour of solitude, in my car, where I can listen to God's word and engage in contemplative prayer. I listened to one by Jamie Winship where he spoke a lot about fear, which is what drew me in. He said he always goes into every situation or decision asking God two simple questions: 1. What do you want me to know? 2. What do you want me to do? (With that knowledge) If you look at scripture, God rarely answers the "why" questions. (Just ask Job!) But he will always answer with what He wants you to know about Himself in your circumstances because God prioritizes relationship.

Keeping that in the forefront, I was listening to another podcast where two women who work together were conversing and the one asked the other, "What can I do for you? How can I pray for you?" And the other responded, "You don't have to do anything, you are with me every day. You are WITH me. You do life with me. That's all the support I need." And in that moment. it hit me like a ton of bricks. The Holy Spirit whispered. "This is what I need you to know: I am WITH you. That is all you need." 

Being WITH someone means you do life together. When you go through something really tough, it can make all the difference just having the support of someone who intimately understands by your side. Healthy biblical marriage is a wonderful picture of this; you do life together, for better or worse. Often when people experience the deepest pains of life, they just need someone to sit with them in it. No words. Just presence.  In the scriptures, this is called ABIDING. Jesus spoke about how we should do life (good and bad) with him in John Chapter 15. 

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.  If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

 Why is knowing that God is WITH you or abiding in Jesus so important? Because knowing it will fundamentally define your identity.  Quite simply put, you are a branch.  And your identity informs what you do (your fruit). Good trees produce good fruit. Bad trees produce bad fruit. As humans, we spend a lot of time focused on the fruit. The bible even tells us to, right? "A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.  Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.  Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them." (Matthew 7:18-20) You recognize followers of Jesus by their fruit. But only focusing on the fruit can be problematic and misleading.  God knows that.

Of course, I have known for a long time that God is with me. But the question is, had I incorporated that into my identity? Did I let that inform my vocation, my behavior, and my choices? The truthful answer is... sometimes. And sometimes doesn't produce consistent fruit. God is always more interested in who you are becoming than what you are doing. Being informs doing.  When you know Jesus is WITH you, you don't have to react out of fear. When you know Jesus is WITH you, you can have peace in difficult circumstances. When you know Jesus is WITH you, you can engage others in love without fear of rejection. When you know Jesus is WITH you, you don't seek validation or meaning elsewhere like social media, followers, or friends. Let's be honest, isn't that why we go to social media or the world for validation? Because we want to be seen and feel like someone is doing life along with us. "Do it for the gram" if misaligned in your heart is a cheap and lonely substitute for the One who really knows you and gives your worth. Knowing that Jesus is literally WITH you is the only way you can truly walk in all that God has for you. This knowledge making its way from your head to your heart in our minute-by-minute decisions is called maturing in discipleship.  Apart from Him, we produce nothing with eternal significance.  Moses knew this. The disciples knew this. 

In Exodus 33, the Israelites had just left Egypt on their way to the promised land. Like me, they were in limbo between the old and the new. But despite everything the Lord did through miracles to show them He was with them, they complained, doubted, and faltered. Therefore, the Lord decided he should not go with them. Moses, who talked with the Lord face to face, met with God. He knew that if the Lord was not WITH them, it was futile. "If your presence is not with us, do not send us up from here." 

In John 6, Jesus spoke to some of the challenging parts of doing life with him. It was "a hard teaching." and the word says after it "many of the disciples turned back and no longer followed him." But when he asked the twelve disciples if they wanted to leave too, Peter replied, "Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life." Peter knew that life WITH Jesus was always the better choice than trying to do life without him, even when it is difficult. 

So many of the things the Lord did for me during my past year I believe were to simply remind me that He was WITH me in it all. There were so many things, I actually started keeping a log. I had multiple prophetic dreams. I saw things in nature at key times with biblical significance. I had key events that happened with biblical numerical significance. I was led to read scriptures that would have particular significance on particular days.  But the biggest things were simply evidences of His love and grace: He showed me favor and rescued me in my circumstances when I didn't earn it or deserve it. That is who he is. And so, that is the fruit He produces. He showed all of us that by sending his son Jesus Christ to Earth to reconcile us to Himself. Not to condemn the world, but to save it. (John 3:16-17.)

Don't underestimate the power of WITH-ness. It informs your identity. Jesus was our model for this too. Before he began his ministry or vocation, God confirmed his identity.   "As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”  It was right after this event that Jesus formally began his ministry or vocation as "messiah". 

And this leads to the reason I believe why the Spirit really wanted me to understand that the Lord is WITH me.  The past year was an attack from the enemy focused primarily on my identity. Without knowing that the Lord was absolutely with me in all the circumstances, I may not have stood firm. I am a child of God and with me he is pleased. Not because of anything that I do, but because I have placed my faith in his son Jesus Christ. That is what defines me and everything else should flow from that place of rest. Again, that knowledge is called discipleship. Therefore, it is a lifelong work in progress.  God definitely has something for me in my new town. And if that is where He led me, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else without him. Most importantly, God brought me there because of who I am becoming through trusting Him in all of this. 

 During this Advent, let me encourage you to meditate on the WITH-ness of God. What would you do differently if you knew He was right there with you in both the highs and the lows? I'd be willing to bet you would be less afraid, feel more loved, and be less anxious. In other words, you would have peace. I'm here to tell you that Peace is a Person, and his name is Jesus.  The best news is He is with you and already knows all the details of your life. He cares intimately. Emmanual... God WITH us. God WITH me and you. Doing life together. Merry Christmas!

Punctuation Matters: My favorite symbol. (Part 2)

 Three months ago, my life took a major turn driven by circumstances. As I mentioned in my last post, sometimes life demands you to either pivot your perspective or crumble. I will propose that when your theology and your psychology don't match, that is when most people crumble. Why do I say this? Because when life gets really hard, you have to decide if you really believe what you say you do. But more importantly, you have to decide if you believe that God is really who He says and that He can do what only He can do. Each time we answer those questions with a resounding "Yes", our faith grows and makes trusting Him the next time so much easier.

To successfully pivot, punctuation matters. You cannot put a period in the story where it does not belong. You have to let God be God in order to see what only He can do in your circumstances. Subsequently my favorite punctuation symbol in this season of life, is the semicolon. 

A semicolon is a punctuation mark that joins two related but independent clauses that are similar and complete statements on their own. They could each stand on their own, but the connection between them is the clincher. The first statement may be how bleak your circumstance appears or how hopeless it makes you feel. I will be so bold to suggest the enemy often writes these statements, especially if they contain absolutes. (i.e. you'll never get back up. you'll always be a failure. if God loved you, he would never have allowed this to happen) Don't grab the pen and cognitively place a period here. Instead, allow the truths of scripture and what they tell us about the character of God to mark a semicolon. Then the subsequent statement that follows we must submit and trust that only God can write. The bible has numerous examples of this to reference.  Here are a few. And they all share one key pivoting phrase, (see what I did there) ..... BUT, GOD....

But GOD.... this phrase that exists in the bible when God interceded in humanly overwhelming circumstances for his people in ways that only He could do so that 1. they would undoubtedly know it was Him working on their behalf and 2. so He alone would receive the glory. Those two little words are actually instrumental to a believer's ability to endure when circumstances feel hopeless.

• Genesis 50:20 when Joseph was talking to his brothers many years after they had sold him into slavery. "You intended to harm me; (but) God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." 
• Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
• 2nd Corinth 7:5-7"For when we came into Macedonia, we had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn—conflicts on the outside, fears within. But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us." 
• Romans 5:8 "Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

 If you have any doubts about how God could possibly work your hopeless situation, remind yourself of this verse from Ephesians 2:

"As for you, you we were dead in your transgressions and sins. (OH, if we stopped the story here we would all be crushed)... But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." 

You were dead; now you are made alive in Christ and heir to immeasurable grace and kindness. Still think God can't work in your current circumstances when all looks bleak? Think again; God loves the impossible. He did it through Jesus Christ. It literally is who He is. There is nothing that demonstrates his love better for you more, than when you can do absolutely nothing for yourself feeling at your lowest point, and yet, He steps in to rescue you. He makes a way when there is no way. It is his nature and he loves to do it. If He can solve your biggest problem through Jesus Christ, He can change your current circumstances in a moment.

This kind of love anchors us in stormy seas; it helps us endure whatever the enemy keeps throwing at us. God has done this for me continually throughout these three months and continues to do so. It has been simultaneously remarkable and crazy; when the time is right, I will share all the ways "BUT GOD" interceded. The irony is that to experience it we have our own connected statement to make and it comes from Isaiah 40. "BUT, those who hope in the LORD....they will renew their strength."
I never understood this scripture before like I do now. When you feel like you hit rock bottom, or circumstances could crush you, BUT GOD intervenes on your behalf, your strength to endure is instantly renewed. Instead of feeling crushed, I literally felt like I was flying above everything that was happening to me. When everything was falling apart, He literally flipped the script. It absolutely made no earthly sense and that is how I know it was God. 

He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

Being a runner, I have always loved this verse in the physical sense. Now, after recent circumstances, it has taken on an extremely richer meaning for me. To spiritually run and not grow weary, when most others would stumble, and fall is a big deal.  Look at the last verse. It is literally connected by a semicolon.  It has been the entire basis for this blog since its inception: my faith keeps me running, and I keep running because of my faith. 

But God made a way right in the middle of her circumstances; for that, I will praise Him the rest of my days.

Punctuation Matters: Don't Put a Period Where It Doesn't Belong. (Part 1)

 Had I known it was a landmark day, the end of a chapter per se, I probably would have reacted differently. But like most other landmarks in my career, it came smack dab in the middle of a seemly 'normal' hectic day like all others. I think this is true for most things in life that force us to either crumble or pivot. Had we known they were coming, we might try to avoid them completely. Experience has shown me that is partly why God allows them to happen. Because we all know what motivates change...a challenge. Without it, we would be content to stay put or even worse do things to avoid the pain all together. Challenges force us to move, when we don't want to. They offer us the chance to level up and bring a new you to the playing field. No challenge, no change. This is especially true as it pertains to spiritual growth and maturity in Christ.  But most importantly, they allow God to be God, right in the middle of challenging circumstances, and do what only God can do. IF... we don't try to write the story ourselves. Let me explain how I know this. 

The last baby I delivered was named Jeremiah. I don't think this was a coincidence. Jeremiah 29:11 (a very well- known scripture) tells us about God's character in the middle of a challenge. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. This scripture was God speaking to the Israelites who were held captive in exile. Things looked bleak. But God told them, I know what I am doing. I'm going to restore you at just the right time. The bible tells us that faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance in what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:11) When you are in the middle of a serious storm, it can be hard to see how any good can come out of it. But God's character is not something we see; it should be something we know as we learn to trust Him in incrementally greater ways.

Corrie Ten Boom put it this way: "When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer." If you aren't willing to sit still and let God lead you during serious challenges, you will never get to the desired destination which will always give you a better understanding of who God is and how much He loves you. Some people try to become the engineer. Some folks choose to jump off the train, even if the result is more pain. It takes bold faith to admit you are not in control and sit still to wait on God to write the rest of the story. That's why punctuation matters when it comes to your testimony. You have to remember who has the pen.  Faith is simple, but not always easy.

So back to the day I realized life was about to pivot. The next two weeks that followed were pretty tough. There were enormous waves of doubt, fear, and feeling overwhelmed. Think Bearing Sea waves, like we see on "Deadliest Catch." The truth is it could have easily crushed me had I not already seen how God can work through very difficult circumstances so many times before. Having heroes of faith to inspire us can also help. One of those people for me was Kaetlin Jetton. 

Kaetlin was a mother of 4 children, a beautiful soul, a colleague, a patient of mine and a friend. About two years ago, at the start of the pandemic, she was diagnosed with Leukemia; a pivot moment for sure. She is now with Jesus. Her celebration of life was exactly how I would want the punctuation mark to be at the end of my life on Earth....a Bonafide worship service! What stood out most, was how everyone described her as joyful until the very end. Even when there was no cure. Even when she felt immense pain. Immediately what struck me was that joy for a believer is clearly a choice. Her joy was a choice. "Joy is a decision, a really brave one, about how you are going to respond to life."-Wess Stafford.  Why? Because happiness is both conditional and fleeting. Joy is when I choose to remember God's goodness regardless of my circumstance. I may not be able to control what happens to me in this life, but I do have the power to decide how to react to it. No one can take that from you.  That is why the bible says, "The Joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehamiah 8:10. 

Want to know the craziest realization? Kaetlin is experiencing the most joy she has ever known, and it took going through cancer to get her there. How can I say this? Because it led her straight to the arms of Jesus. And that makes it all worth it.  Now before you say, "well, of course." Listen to what the Word says. 

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. -Psalm 16:11

Kaetlin is in the presence of Jesus, where there is fullness of joy. For the believer, it doesn't get any better. But the path to get there only God can make known to us. Read that last sentence again in the light of your greatest struggle. You have to let him put the punctuation marks where they belong and resist the temptation to re-write the story. Sure, He requires our cooperation and maybe even bold decisions in faith. But this is the only way you get to see all the pleasures He has in store for you. Not just ultimately in Heaven but here on Earth.  If you short circuit the journey, by trying to take control of the train, you will miss the blessings.  You will see God's goodness and experience joy now, even in the middle of extreme hardship. The choice is mine and yours. Just wait on God. Command your soul like the Psalmist did in Psalm 27. "I believe I will look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage. Wait for the Lord!" 

  Kaetlin reminded us of all of this; her testimony is alive in probably more ways than we may ever know. 

Often when I have delivered a baby for a believer, I will speak a particular verse over them during those last transitional moments when many mothers are contemplating giving up. I tell them, "Don't short circuit your joy, it is just on the other side of the pain. And it will be so worth it."  It comes from Hebrews Chapter 12. This same verse is on the wall above my treadmill. Every morning when I physically endure a challenge, I remind my spirit of the same truth. Need a hero of faith to look to in those moments when choosing joy is hard and you want to quit? Look to Jesus.

 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." 

The path of life can have some crazy twists and turns. That is what makes each story compelling and ultimately where heroes are made. But know this, a hero in the faith isn't someone who is braver than the ordinary man. They were just braver a few minutes longer. Long enough to let God do what only He can do. (Part 2) 

Guard Your Heart: A Love Letter to the Church

My church small group has recently been studying the books of Thessalonians and Revelation; these books have a lot of prophecy about eschatology. What's that, you ask? It is what the bible has to say about what the world will be like before Jesus will return. Oh, the Bible has a lot to say about it. As we studied the scriptures, it started to become clearer that these prophecies are not so we can know specific dates or times. But rather, they are designed to prepare the church for the last days.

 So, this is my valentine love letter to the church:  As the days become darker, the church will need to shine brighter. However, this can only happen if we guard our hearts to remain pliable and soft like God's heart is for his people. This won't happen unless we, the church, are intentional to do so. First, with each other. And then with the rest of the world.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." (Proverbs 4:23) 

At first glance you might think this verse is telling the believer to protect our heart from outside influences or place distance or barriers against things that will hurt your heart. Instead, this passage of scripture admonishes the believer to keep the Word of God tucked deeply in your heart and your gaze fixed on that same word made flesh, Jesus. It is less about keeping things out and more about protecting what is within; there is a big difference. You can only do this if you first read, study, and meditate on the Word. 

The same passage in proverbs alludes that guarding our heart will place a gate over our lips. Probably, equally as important in today's social media driven world. Luke 6:45 tells us that, "A good man brings good things out of the good stored in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of."  Proverbs 15:28 says the words of our mouth are an overflow of what's in your heart. In other words, if your feelings get hurt/ your heart gets knocked, what is inside is what is going to come pouring out.

So how do you 'guard' your heart? Protecting something makes me think of soldiers or armies. Soldiers who need to protect themselves wear body armor. So here is where I am going to suggest a new idea. The well- known scriptures in Ephesians about the armor of God are less about fighting a known enemy outside of oneself, but more about protecting what is deposited within oneself. (Read that last sentence again.)  If we want to be a church in the end times that continues to reflect the heart of God, we must remain soft, loving, and pliable as the world gets colder, harsher and darker. God did this when it came to our sin by sending His son, Jesus. As the world becomes darker, being a Christian can be exhausting. This leads to discouragement. Discouragement leads to bitterness. 

The bible even warns us that many 'Christians' will grow cold hearted because of it. Matthew 24:12, "Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold." Not a few. Not many. MOST. Let that sink in. In what condition would you want Jesus to find you when He returns? Burned out, bitter and cold hearted? Or standing firm for the gospel? 

 But Jesus also tells us the way to counteract this.  Matthew 11:29, "Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me. For I am gentle, and lowly in heart. And you will find rest for your souls."

I like the message translation for this one. " Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

----->Right here I need to confess this is an ongoing work for me. I am an extrovert and highly sensitive. I carry emotional baggage from my childhood that makes me care a little too much for the approval of others. Even as I write this post, I am struggling with these things. And I make mistakes that I have to acknowledge, then seek the Lord's forgiveness and repent.  The enemy knows my strongholds; He knows what buttons to push. Therefore, every day, I have to place my hurts on the altar of faith and allow God's Word to do a transformative work in my own heart. Why daily?  In the book of James, we are told He doesn't desire sacrifice but instead mercy. This takes everyday type work; specifically, it requires daily preparation. And it also reminds me that I will never overcome my need for my Savior. 

So let us look at Ephesians 6 and the armor that daily we should put on before engaging with a lost world. 

1. Put on the full armor of God, so you can stand firm and defeat the enemy's schemes. To me this admonition is really saying you have to start each day taking off your fleshly nature and put on 'your new self' which is daily being renewed by the Holy Spirit. We cannot expect to successfully engage the world, defeat the schemes of the enemy and protect our own hearts, unless we fully walk in the Spirit. When we do, all the qualities of the Spirit will naturally cover us, just like the armor does for a soldier going into battle. Colossians puts it this way. "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. " 

2. Belt of truth. A belt girds you up. It helps you move without tripping over yourself. As we get closer to Christ's return, the bible tells us there will be many false teachers. You can't recognize a lie, if you don't first know the truth. In John 8:44, Jesus tells us that Satan is the father of lies.  It is imperative as the church that we know the truth of the Word of God for ourselves. Podcasts and commentaries are great, but someone else's interpretation of scripture will never supersede the work of the Holy Spirit in your life.  Read your Bible. It has everything you need. 

3.Breastplate of Righteousness in Place (in front of your heart): If you really want to guard your heart from becoming bitter, cold, and jaded you have to first really understand where your own righteousness comes from. The truth is, we have none. It is the righteousness of Christ that is imputed to us by his death on the cross, that helps us stand at all. A holier than thou attitude with other people doesn't communicate God's love for them. Rather, when you really understand that none of us are worthy of grace, it is much easier to show it to others.  

4.Shoes for Readiness of Gospel of Peace: Shoes are important for navigating rocky terrain. Life can be hard. Bad things happen even to good people. Our shoes, which protect our tender soles or souls (intentional pun), are the truth of the Gospel. The Gospel is the source of hope, even when things get tough. The bible says we have to be ready, even in tough times to demonstrate this. 1st Peter 3:15: "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect." 

5.Shield of Faith: this passage in Ephesians says the shield of faith is to extinguish the fiery arrows of the evil one. This is big. And I am going to suggest more so for women. Women always believe that people, especially other women, act with ulterior motives. We read into everything. And that is exactly what the enemy wants you to do. He wants you to assign motive to other people's behaviors, while simultaneously expecting them not to do the same to us. The enemy knows what will trigger you and your insecurities and he often will use other people to do it. The shield of faith extinguishes these jabs by quenching them with what God says about forgiveness, your worth, and His mercy. We choose to believe THE truth instead a fabricated truth and that makes it much easier not to take offense that wounds the heart.  

6. Helmet of Salvation: Be confident in your salvation in Christ because it gives you every necessary tool we need to operate in the Spirit; we put on the mind of Christ. :"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:3-8

7. Sword of the Spirit - And lastly church, remember the Sword of the Spirit, which is scripture, is a defensive weapon, not offensive. Don't use scripture as a weapon to hurt people. Speaking the truth when warranted in love is important. (Ephesians 4:15) But the transformative goal is to renew our own minds and hearts so that when the enemy speaks lies, we can counteract it with truth. Keeping your heart soft requires building a hedge around it with the Word. 

Guard your heart, for everything you do flows out of it. How do we do that? By staying gentle and soft hearted to cold hearted world. And how do we do that? We do that by staying very close to Jesus Christ through worship, prayer, and the Word...every day. 

"Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. (He's coming back soon.)   Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:23

Broken Bread and Broken Relationships

 There is a popular post about a tattoo that reads, "Judas Ate Too." The sentiment behind it is that even at the last supper, Jesus fed Judas. He washed his feet. He prayed with him. He fed him. And all the while knowing that He was about to be betrayed. The funny thing is that I've observed that people will betray you emotionally before they betray you physically. Judas had already betrayed Jesus emotionally. All you have to do is look at the scriptures. Matthew 26:6 Judas chastises the woman for anointing Jesus with expensive oil "because it could have been sold and a large sum given to the poor." He didn't care about the poor or what motivated the heart of Jesus. 

He cared about himself.  

But he was also about to betray him physically. Literally right after this scene he betrays Jesus by going to the Chief Priests in exchange for thirty pieces of silver. 

The interesting thing is that we don't always know when people have broken relationship with us emotionally. There is a  gap; it is the theoretical space between where the relationship has changed, but we don't recognize it yet until we experience and realize that physical separation has occurred.  It is an odd place of tension. It is in this gap that we make assumptions and judgements; we decide other's motivations. It is here, in the gap, where the enemy always enters into the equation. (John 13:27) 

Our church is walking through the Lords prayer and right when we get to the week on forgiveness, the message came like a flood serving to wash over my heart. You see this week I felt betrayed. And the Holy Spirit challenged me on how I would let it affect my behavior, which is really an overflow from my own heart.  

As I sat in church listening to the message on forgiveness and grace, the Lord took me back to one of my first lessons in betrayal. When I was nine years old, my father filed for sole child custody to take us away from my mother. He won. It was a defining moment in my life. On the day he came to get us, I tried to hug my mother. I felt so conflicted and in pain. Overwhelmed by her own pain and needing someone to blame, she literally pushed me away. I remember that moment vividly, even to this day some 40 years later. The pain I felt in that moment was guttural; it was deep and physical. My father responded by yelling at her "I hope you rot in hell." In that same moment I remember the absolute horror I felt at his response.  Why would he wish that on her? 

Sitting in church, God gently told me I reminded you of this for two reasons. First, to say that until I fully heal this moment for you, you will always struggle to extend forgiveness to others in this area. Abandonment and betrayal are painful for me and it is rooted here. Letting God tear up the roots, and plant something new is the only way to true growth and healing in Christ. 

Secondly, this illustrates the difference between costly and cheap grace. The type of grace God extended through Christ was costly. When we don't extend to others the same type of grace that God has given to us through the forgiveness of sin,  we cheapen it. Dieterich Bonhoffer said it this way, "Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ."  Its one of the most dangerous ways we as Christians diminish the message of the Gospel. And if we really want to pray like Christ taught us to, "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.", we need as a church and me, as a disciple, to understand this. When I allow my own pain to define my reaction to betrayal, I don't extend the type of grace that God extended to me. I am a sinner. I had a debt to God because of my sin that I could never pay. Have you ever had a debt you could never pay? It is crushing. "The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus." (Romans 6:23) So God sent his one and only Son to exchange my sin for His righteousness. When God did this the bible says He remembers my sin no more. Isaiah 43:25 "I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins." This doesn't mean God forgets. It means he doesn't rehearse it. Forgiveness assumes grace; it means you have to let it go. 

Why? Because people in a lost world depend upon it for their salvation. It isn't telling them how they wronged you that leads people to desiring forgiveness and reconciliation. It is grace; extending kindness when they certainly don't deserve it. " Romans 2:4 tells us it is God's kindness that leads to repentance. It is a harsh message, but by reminding me of a single instance in my childhood God told me that how I respond in the middle of rejection/abandonment or broken relationship could be the difference in someone's salvation. Literally whether they will 'rot in hell.' 

We all need daily provision to help us extend this type of grace. Maybe that's why the prayer says, "give us our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Jesus is our daily bread; the daily reminder of what has been given to us by the Cross. That my friends is the whole purpose of taking Communion. His blood and broken body for the purpose of reconciliation to God.  It is only with His help that I can even try to model this. When I looked back at the scriptures, reading them again blew my mind. It says that Jesus didn't just eat with Judas. The exact moment before he betrayed him Jesus took communion with Him; he dipped the morsel in the cup and gave it to Him. The very next moment, Satan entered him. Let that sink in. Broken bread and broken relationships intermingled and Jesus wasn't deterred by any of it. Because God's kindness leads to our repentance and that is exactly what He was sent to do. 

The Symbolism of the Skull

 It's fall which means we are entering into the last part of the year, a time typically full of activities, festivity and often celebration. The stores become replete with decoration and ornamentation that beckons us like a continuous thread leading us from one holiday to the next. You know the season has arrived when the first decorations to appear are the symbols of Halloween. 

Pumpkins, bats, and the most common imagery...

the human skull. 

I recently learned that  the image of the skull as an object of decoration predated the modern holiday by many generations. It actually stems from a Monastic tradition; the first artists to ever use skull imagery were monks. If you think of images that you have seen of monks, they are often pictured sitting at a prayer desk, with a bible, a lit candle, and there on the desk is a human skull. But this isn't a cute plastic one from Michaels or a ceramic sugar skull from Etsy. These skulls were actually one of their peers who had already passed away. Once the body was embalmed/buried, they retrieved the skull. They put it on their prayer bench not to be goth or morbid, but instead to keep their mortality literally directly in front of them. It was an extremely tangible reminder to them that eventually I will  die, and therefore I don't want to waste my life on trivial things that don't really matter. It was not designed to be disturbed or psychotic (like most seasonal imagery), but rather to encourage an individual to live each day joyfully present in the life that has been given. 

Reflection upon on this, reminded me the Bible says the same thing in Psalm 90:12:

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. 

So what does that mean that we should "learn to number our days." and exactly what would that look like as we do this thing called life? First, as mentioned above in the monastic school of thought it means we would intentionally choose to address our priorities. How do I spend my time, what do I think about and how do I use my money/resources?  I don't think this means that God does not want me to enjoy my time here on Earth; not everyone is called to an austere life as a monk living in a monastery. But it does mean that we need to remember we have only have one life on Earth to live. There are no do-overs or second chances once we die.  Ecclesiastes 3:11 tells us that "He has made everything beautiful in its time. (And yet) He has also set eternity in the heart of men." This scripture means that no matter how good it gets here on Earth, deep in our hearts we know that this life is not all that there is. There is a new life after this one; but it is definitely not here. Therefore the biggest priority we need to get right during this life is our relationship to God. In fact it's crucial.  As humans we will always choose to live to satisfy ourselves, and left to our own devices we will always choose wrongly. That is why we need a Savior, in Jesus Christ to help us find our way back to God. When Jesus enters the picture, our priorities change. That change occurs in our hearts; it a work from the inside out, not vice versa. It is not another means of self help; it is soul-help. With Christ at the center of your life, your priorities will start to look more like God's will for your life; that is a heart of wisdom. And only God is the source of that. 

The second part of learning to number your days means you understand the brevity of your life. The hard truth is our days are actually numbered. We hope that means living to a ripe old age, but the truth is, we don't know how long it is. Only God knows. Yet most of us don't live like that. Greg and I used to talk about our 5, 10, 15 year plan. That all changed a few years ago when God taught us that the only day to worry about is the one in front of you; life can change on a dime. Luke 12 tells the story of a rich man who said to himself, "You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink, and be merry." {This is the world's answer for YOLO}.  But God said to him, "You fool, This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what your have prepared for yourself." I had hope that the pandemic would teach all of us this. But unfortunately, I've realized for some folks it did not. A heart of wisdom asks God to show me how to use what you have given me today...whether that is my health, my body, my money or my time. And by doing that, I'm actually storing up real treasure (Matthew 6:19-21) for myself. I don't worry if my daily needs will be met; God promises that if I seek relationship and to walk daily with Him, all these things will be provided. I could tell you story after story of how God has provided for me exactly when I needed it. 

Lastly, teaching us to number our days means we understand the eternal significance of your life. What we do here actually matters, not just here, but for how we will spend eternity. If you choose to live your life without God here on Earth, why would a person then logically want to spend an eternity in heaven worshiping Him? God didn't create Hell to send people there; rather it is the logical destination for a person who has chosen to do his/her life without Him. Luke 16 tells the story of the Rich man and Lazarus. Lazarus, a beggar, died and went to heaven. The Rich Man died and went to hell, but looked up and could see the beggar across a great chasm. He asks if the beggar could just reach his finger and dip it in water to provide relief from his agony. He is told no "because there is a great chasm between them," and "no one can cross over". So instead he asks to send the beggar (like a ghost) to his family so that they will hear the message of eternity and not end up in the same place. He begs, "if someone from the dead goes to them they will repent." The answer was this: "If they don't listen to Moses and the Prophets, then they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead."   The irony of this story is that someone did rise from the dead to bridge that chasm, and his name is Jesus.  This story in scripture asks the question if someone who has already died can cause us to live differently now. For me, that answer is a resounding "Yes!". It is Jesus.  Going back to the monastic traditions, they had a saying that was placed on a sign near all their catacombs. It read as follows:

"Where you are now we were, and where we are now, you will be." 

What are you going to do with that? Oh, Lord, teach us to number our days so that we can gain a heart of wisdom! There are people that I am praying will come to Christ before it is too late. And for myself,   I can't help but see the image of the skull a little differently now. As a symbol that encourages the reflection of holding my mortality before myself. And maybe, just maybe, what follows is the wisdom to ask myself the questions that allow me to live life a little more intentionally.