Love Languages: Four Ways We Should Not be Speaking

 I have been thinking a lot about how we as Christians are to relate to each other. I find it quite interesting that God would have me land on this topic now. I dare say, this season is probably one of the loneliest seasons of my entire life. But when God becomes who you have, then you also begin to realize He is all you need. Pressing in has really enlightened me how differently God loves toward us. Take that one step further and we begin to understand how we should love each other. This concept is vitally important because as we mature in our discipleship, the way we love each other should also mature. The bible makes it very clear that Christian love should be different than how the world shows affection. The love of Christ is supernatural; it often goes beyond our immediate understanding. And not only that, but it should also be recognizable, even to the unbeliever. 

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." -John 13:35

Often, as Christians we mistake that how we show love to unbelievers outweighs the ministry of what we do inside our homes or the church. This verse completely destroys that notion. Even unbelievers are watching how we love each other and that sends a clear message about true discipleship and ultimately God's love. It matters. God doesn't want us to just look the part of a disciple; He wants us to act like one.  This is probably why there are over 50 instructions in the bible about how we (Christ followers) should love each other. 

I think to illustrate a concept it helps to define it. Or for that matter what it is not. As I have spent time thinking about my friendships and fellowships within my circles, I started to think about the times I either did not feel loved, or I, myself, failed to adequately demonstrate God's love. So, before I dive into all the Bible has to say about how we should treat each other, I'm going to start with four ways we should not love each other. Meditating about this has been very convicting and if it is for you also, I pray God will also show you ways to better demonstrate his love. 

1. (LOVE THAT IS JUST WORDS) There is famous book about demonstrating and receiving love called, "The Five Love Languages." by Gary Chapman. It helps you identify both how you receive love from others and how you usually give it. The two may be completely different. Understanding this about your partner, helps communication flow. My love language, or what makes me feel seen and understood, are words of affirmation. This has been both a blessing and a curse. I have always been drawn to people who expressed their affection for me in this way. At times, I was so motivated by it that I modeled my behaviors in ways I thought would garner it. When I was honest with myself, this was often me seeking the approval of others instead of God. As I have matured, I realized when this was my motivation this type of affection left me feeling mostly empty instead of full. I think social media has only compounded this, especially for women. When God speaks over us, he affirms you; not flatters you. "Dear children, let us not love with words or speech, but with action and in truth." -1st John 3:18. Worldly love makes lots of flowery promises without the follow through. Christ followers should say what they mean and mean what they say. Jesus said, let your yes be yes and your no be no. (Matthew 5) If you say you are going to pray for someone, actually do it. Even better, don't delay and do right then and there. As Christ followers, our word should be our bond. Why? Because that is how it is with God.

"The Lord said to me, “You have seen correctly, for I am watching to see that my word is fulfilled." Jeremiah 1:12

 2. (LOVE THAT IS TRANSACTIONAL) There is a pervasive thought in today's self-love mindset dynamic that if something or someone doesn't 'serve' your goals, ambitions, or desires, you should eliminate it. In fact, the notion is even tied to respect. "Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy." This notion is completely counter to what God says about discipleship. The truth is as Christ followers often what is hard makes us grow. You can't use happiness as the gage. If we are not careful, this can trickle down into how we demonstrate love. It becomes transactional. No one wants to feel like they are receiving love only so the giver can get something in return. That is not love; that is manipulation. God does not love this way. And he especially doesn't want us to teach others about his Son in this way.  If you want to feed the homeless, then feed the homeless. The moment you post about it, you are now feeding your ego. Transactional love compromises witness. 

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:6-8. God demonstrated what true love looks like not only while we were still His enemies, but when we could do nothing on our own to fix the problem. Mother Teresa put it this way, "Your true character is most accurately measured by how you treat those who can do nothing for you." Christ followers should value people, whether they serve us in the moment or not. 

3. (LOVE OUT OF OBLIGATION) This leads to my next thought. God doesn't need us. He has chosen us. Once you make that personal, you start to understand the depth of God's intimate love for you. He doesn't need you to accomplish his will; He chose you to accomplish it. This one is very meaningful to me. If you struggle with rejection, knowing then that someone chose you, can be the deepest expression of love. Godly marriages are a wonderful demonstration of this.

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:11-13

 It is a choice made out of love. Not an obligation. Nobody wants to feel like someone loves them because they have to. Of course, there are ways we express love to each other that could be described as duty. Like calling someone on their birthday for example. It is the intention behind it that lets the recipient know that you chose to do so, not just because you have to. Christ followers should be intentional, kind and personal with how they show love. Do not make the recipient feel like it is chore to check off your list. 

4. (LOVE THAT IS ONLY CONVENIENT) There is a new modern term for breaking off relationships. It's called "ghosting." Ghosting is when a person ends communication suddenly and without warning or explanation. It might begin softly with minimizing contact, called "icing". It is a tactic of avoidance and involves either fear of conflict or a decision that it is best to move on. The problem is that it is one-sided and doesn't take the other individual's feelings into account. It's selfish. 

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Philippians 2:3

I have to admit, I have been guilty of this in an attempt to avoid conflict. But if I am honest, I must also admit this should not be the conduct of a believer. I have also been the recipient of feeling 'ghosted' by a Christian friend. It hurts and, in some ways, deeper than with other types of bonds. God prioritizes relationship, especially between his children. In the bible this is called unity. Of course, there will be relationships that are for a reason or a season in your life. But trying to do what you can to end relationships well should a hallmark of a believer, not only when it is convenient. "A friend loves at all times." Proverbs 17:17. Gaps in communication without explanations lead to assumptions that may be incorrect; this can hurt unity within the body of Christ. I have personally seen this happen. Christians should not be fair weather friends. This might mean going out of your way to prioritize the relationship. 

"For I desire mercy and not sacrifice, and acknowledgement of God and not burnt offerings." Hosea 6:6

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift." Matthew 5

As I mentioned above, this process of meditating (or considering) on how we are to love each other has been convicting but also enriching in my understanding of how God loves us. He cares that we do our best to model the love he demonstrated in Christ Jesus. It is a love that prioritizes relationship over religion.  My hope is that this spurs us all in our growth as disciples. 

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.  And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:23.

Running with an Injury

 If you have ever sustained an athletic injury, then you know the experience can be humbling. All at once, you can no longer do what you have always done. It completely feels like you can't focus on achieving the next level you, when the current you is... well, frankly... in pain.  I made it through all the training miles and finished the Dopey Challenge back in January without an injury. My last blog talked about how that challenge had become a metaphor for other challenges I had in life. Then in February, that all changed. I somehow sustained an injury to the meniscus in my left knee. I tried to ignore it and keep going which didn't help things. In fact, it got worse. By the time I got to my March races, the pain was bad enough that I walked the second half the 10- miler. It was humbling and forced me to accept this injury wasn't just going to go away. I was not only going to have to spend time to heal, but also would need to find a way to move forward knowing that this might be something I have to learn to live with. Fortunately, my doctor told me I didn't have to stop running. In fact, I needed to keep moving.  As has been true with much of my running journey through life, this new development also became a metaphor for the circumstances I was walking through in my spiritual life. 

My physical injury forced me to slow down my pace dramatically. In doing that, I had to become very intentional with each activity I engaged in. In addition to the nagging pain in my knee, this forced intentionality was in some ways very annoying. Why? Because it took away from the freedom of running for me. In my flesh, I don't want to 'think' about running...I just want to enjoy the way it makes me feel on every level both physically and emotionally. Ironically, isn't that true for most things in our flesh? I then asked myself, how did I make it this far in life without experiencing this injury before now? Now I have a constant somewhat painful reminder as I run to think about. Again, another metaphor.

 In my flesh, I began praying and asking God to please take my wound away. In fact, I cried out, even pleaded, knowing He knew the pain it caused me.  And no sooner than the words left my thoughts, I was reminded of someone in the Bible who prayed the same prayer. And simultaneously my memory reminded me also about God's response.  

" Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

There is a lot of speculation what the thorn in the flesh was for the Apostle Paul. The content of the thorn is less important than the intent of the thorn. Scripture states it was there to keep him humble, and to remind him every time he experienced the pain in his flesh of the grace of his salvation in Jesus Christ. Both qualities are essential for effective ministry. You can't bring others to Christ if you don't understand that all your ability to do so comes from God, and that you are as much in need of grace as everyone else. 

 As one commentary put it, " Paul saw two ways forward. The Lord could (1) remove the thorn, and Paul could get on with life and ministry, or (2) leave the thorn, and Paul would be forever crippled and slowed in life and ministry. The Lord responded with yet a third option: leave the thorn but give Paul grace. And for Paul’s life and ministry, this would net out as taking Paul places in terms of divine power he could never have attained otherwise. This is God’s secret strategy for his people." My injuries have become a tangible and palpable sign to show me this is his strategy for my life and faith walk as well. 

Paul describes the thorn as a messenger from Satan. The bible tells us our enemy has only three intentions regarding your ministry: to steal, kill and destroy. In other words, he would love to see a wound that "literally stops you in your tracks." The hard realization in the growth of your faith and mine is that God may permit a wound so that you can grow your ministry and, yet in the process, remain humble. If you focus on the wound instead of the grace that accompanies it, the enemy wins. This shift in perspective makes me think about Joseph. God gave him vision for his life. But yet, he was sold by his brothers into slavery. He literally was thrown into a pit and left to die.  Then he was accused of things he didn't do; his integrity was attacked. He easily could have become very bitter over time and even lost faith. But instead, he focused on the all the many ways that God prospered him despite his affliction. He focused on grace. So much so that he named one of his sons "Ephraim" which means "God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering." (Genesis 41:52) Later when he again saw his brothers, he was able to say, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is being done now, the saving of many lives." Talk about ministry expansion that all began with a wound! 

Many of my running instructors encourage us to focus on what we can do instead of what we cannot. They often say, "There may come a day when you cannot run. Today is not that day." It is a mindset that chooses to move forward in faith, knowing that any limitations only make us more intentional.  Intention over and over again (discipline) produces strength both in physical training and in life. Regaining strength despite an injury provides hope that I can still run the race. It serves to remind every day where our strength, and even breath, ultimately comes from. Frankly put, wounds remind us of our human fragility. That should keep us humble. And God gives grace to the humble. (James 4:6).  The bible puts it this way: 

"but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." (Romans 5:3-5) 

I am still praying my wounds will heal at least to the point where they no longer cause pain. But truthfully, I know this is all part of a process.  When someday you can look in the rearview mirror and thank God for what the wound has taught you, then you know it is already healed. The irony is sanctification is a lifelong process in healing. So in the meantime, I will keep running in faith...just a little slower and with lot more grace for myself and those around me. 

Why I Ran a Marathon: Because Life is Not a Sprint.

 

Dopey Challenge 2023

When you tell people that you just ran a race, it is not uncommon for a few folks to respond back with a question: "Well, did you win?" The answer I suppose depends on how one defines winning.  If you are comparing your race to the performance of others, winning is getting to the finish fastest. If you are running the race that is set out for you alone, winning is not necessarily being first. In fact, from a biblical view that shouldn't be our goal at all. It is finishing well. Winning is when you keep going, when it would be so much easier to quit. Paul puts it this way in 2nd Timothy 4:7: You fight the good fight, you finish the race, you keep the faith.

 In God's economy, forward is a pace. 

So, this leads me to the reasons why I decided to run a marathon. The truth is that I had run one many years ago. It was over 20 years ago to be exact. It was so painful that I vowed never to run another one...one and done! Looking back, I now know why the experience was so difficult. It was because my training was woefully inadequate. Running a marathon requires not just months of physical training. It also requires simultaneous mental training. It requires prioritizing recovery and nutrition. It requires a particular set of priorities that doesn't just focus on running the race and getting to the finish line but running the race well. Running a marathon is an endurance race. You don't sprint. You pace yourself for the long run. You train not so the race will be easy. You train so you can endure it. Endurance is a mindset. How do we develop that mindset? We endure. 

In the beginning months of 2022, I began to realize I was going to need this kind of mindset. Life handed me a set of difficult circumstances that required me to pivot both personally and professionally. In faith, I knew that the end would be rewarding (even though I couldn't see the finish line.) I had walked with God long enough to know that His word promises to work all things to our good for those who believe in him. (Romans 8:28) But I also realized to actually live that kind of faith in my current circumstances would require me to be strong in a way mentally I had never faced before. I knew I would be tempted to quit. Not just on myself, but in my faith that God would redeem it.  I have always understood the similarity of running a race to my own discipleship. My whole blog is based on it.  Seeing the spiritual and mental challenge placed before me, it was right then I decided I was going to do the Dopey Challenge. It is four races over four days: 5k,10k, Half-marathon, and then Full Marathon for a total of 48.6 miles. Go big or go home, right? It seemed like the right challenge. 

Running like golf is a simple sport. It doesn't take long to figure out in your head what you need to do. It's all about getting what's in your head down into your body. You aim to develop muscle memory from your practice or training, so that it just comes out of you naturally. That is what following Jesus is all about. It's taking our head knowledge and turning it into heart knowledge so that it naturally flows out of your person. That is the essence of discipleship. Taking a wholistic approach to maturing in Christ, I believe, means having your mind and your body work together. God didn't say our minds are the temple of the Holy Spirit. He says our bodies are. 

"Do you not know that your bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, and you have received from God? You are not your own, You were bought with a price. So honor God with your bodies." -1st Corinth 6: 19-20.

If the way the Holy Spirit works in my life is also through my body, then what I do with it directly affects my spiritual walk. If I choose to endure with my body, I can teach my mind and emotions to do the same. And vice versa.  Any running coach will tell you:  your mind will want to give up long before your body actually does. So, if the goal is to develop an endurance mindset, I determined I would choose a physical challenge that would require me to do so as well. It's called neuroplasticity: you become what you meditate on. Jesus called these spiritual disciplines. As believers we should practice certain behaviors because they ultimately form us as followers of Christ. An example is fasting. Fasting is a physical denial of something in your body, like food. It is a way we connect with God through our stomach. This may seem odd, but when you learn to deny yourself in this area through practice, it makes it easier to deny yourself being reactionary in other areas in your life. Like when somebody offends you or your tempted to sin. Every time I kept going on the long run when I wanted to quit, I was training my spirit to fight the good fight of faith when the next difficult moment comes. It helps to have a short mantra to repeat to yourself. Mine was "Don't Quit on Yourself." To endure a challenge, you have to know your why. That is what you will call upon in the moments you want to quit.  My "WHY" was buried within my mantra: I will physically train my body so I will teach my mind and my emotions what they need to do. "For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." 1st Timothy 4:8. Others may quit on you, "Don't Quit on Yourself." Every mile became a spiritual formation that I can do hard things. My training was less about a finish line and more about who I was becoming through it. 

 Running those long miles has taught me several lessons for life:

1. Slow down and be intentional with my energy. When you train for a marathon, you deliberately run most of your mileage at a slower pace. This prevents injuries. I saw God doing this in my circumstances as well. How you fuel for endurance is very important. Be careful what you allow to nourish your being. Prioritize recovery. If you don't fill your own cup, you can't pour out to others. 

2. You're allowed to find joy in difficult circumstances. It is a choice. I wrote a past blog all about who modeled this for me. Joy along with endurance is a mindset. Run Disney is such a metaphor for this.  

3. Take pride in your accomplishments without comparison to others. Run your race. When this is your perspective, you don't lose. We either win or we learn. Failure is only feedback. Pick yourself up and move forward. Forward is a pace. Did I win my races? The answer is yes! I finished and I finished well. It brought literal tears to my eyes knowing I was going to cross that finish line. The real prize was knowing that God was literally with me every step of the way. Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." 

4. Never say never to God. I said I would never run another marathon. But that was before I knew what I was going to need in this season of life. God's grace carried me through all of it; physically and mentally. My part was to not quit. The places in life where you are most afraid is exactly where He will gently lead you. Why? So, you can conquer your fear. Your fears are the place you probably most misunderstand who God is and who He created you to be. "If God is for us, who can be against us? I want to challenge you to meditate on this scripture alone. To meditate means to rehearse. How different would our lives be if we operated without fear? .... Romans 8 affirms that if you really understand how much God is for you (so much so that he did not spare his own son, but gave him up for us all) then you can face any challenge. We are "more than conquerors"... of finish lines, 48.6 miles, or whatever life throws our way. There is nothing that separates you from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. Finishing a marathon, is a state of mind that anything is possible with Christ. This past year, I have experienced firsthand knowledge of this.

 If you want to run, run a mile. If you want to experience a different life, run a marathon. 

God WITH Us: Advent Reflections on My Past Year

 I've spent a lot of time thinking about this past year. How could I not, right? When you experience a major life upheaval that points you in a completely new direction, for most people, it is accompanied by some introspection. 

I spend a lot of time now driving in my car. The truth is I am not fully transitioned to my new home (which is under construction) so I am in this weird limbo between the old and new. And most days that involves about an hour-long commute. So, I recently decided to begin listening to faith-based podcasts during my drive. It is an hour of solitude, in my car, where I can listen to God's word and engage in contemplative prayer. I listened to one by Jamie Winship where he spoke a lot about fear, which is what drew me in. He said he always goes into every situation or decision asking God two simple questions: 1. What do you want me to know? 2. What do you want me to do? (With that knowledge) If you look at scripture, God rarely answers the "why" questions. (Just ask Job!) But he will always answer with what He wants you to know about Himself in your circumstances because God prioritizes relationship.

Keeping that in the forefront, I was listening to another podcast where two women who work together were conversing and the one asked the other, "What can I do for you? How can I pray for you?" And the other responded, "You don't have to do anything, you are with me every day. You are WITH me. You do life with me. That's all the support I need." And in that moment. it hit me like a ton of bricks. The Holy Spirit whispered. "This is what I need you to know: I am WITH you. That is all you need." 

Being WITH someone means you do life together. When you go through something really tough, it can make all the difference just having the support of someone who intimately understands by your side. Healthy biblical marriage is a wonderful picture of this; you do life together, for better or worse. Often when people experience the deepest pains of life, they just need someone to sit with them in it. No words. Just presence.  In the scriptures, this is called ABIDING. Jesus spoke about how we should do life (good and bad) with him in John Chapter 15. 

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.  If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

 Why is knowing that God is WITH you or abiding in Jesus so important? Because knowing it will fundamentally define your identity.  Quite simply put, you are a branch.  And your identity informs what you do (your fruit). Good trees produce good fruit. Bad trees produce bad fruit. As humans, we spend a lot of time focused on the fruit. The bible even tells us to, right? "A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.  Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.  Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them." (Matthew 7:18-20) You recognize followers of Jesus by their fruit. But only focusing on the fruit can be problematic and misleading.  God knows that.

Of course, I have known for a long time that God is with me. But the question is, had I incorporated that into my identity? Did I let that inform my vocation, my behavior, and my choices? The truthful answer is... sometimes. And sometimes doesn't produce consistent fruit. God is always more interested in who you are becoming than what you are doing. Being informs doing.  When you know Jesus is WITH you, you don't have to react out of fear. When you know Jesus is WITH you, you can have peace in difficult circumstances. When you know Jesus is WITH you, you can engage others in love without fear of rejection. When you know Jesus is WITH you, you don't seek validation or meaning elsewhere like social media, followers, or friends. Let's be honest, isn't that why we go to social media or the world for validation? Because we want to be seen and feel like someone is doing life along with us. "Do it for the gram" if misaligned in your heart is a cheap and lonely substitute for the One who really knows you and gives your worth. Knowing that Jesus is literally WITH you is the only way you can truly walk in all that God has for you. This knowledge making its way from your head to your heart in our minute-by-minute decisions is called maturing in discipleship.  Apart from Him, we produce nothing with eternal significance.  Moses knew this. The disciples knew this. 

In Exodus 33, the Israelites had just left Egypt on their way to the promised land. Like me, they were in limbo between the old and the new. But despite everything the Lord did through miracles to show them He was with them, they complained, doubted, and faltered. Therefore, the Lord decided he should not go with them. Moses, who talked with the Lord face to face, met with God. He knew that if the Lord was not WITH them, it was futile. "If your presence is not with us, do not send us up from here." 

In John 6, Jesus spoke to some of the challenging parts of doing life with him. It was "a hard teaching." and the word says after it "many of the disciples turned back and no longer followed him." But when he asked the twelve disciples if they wanted to leave too, Peter replied, "Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life." Peter knew that life WITH Jesus was always the better choice than trying to do life without him, even when it is difficult. 

So many of the things the Lord did for me during my past year I believe were to simply remind me that He was WITH me in it all. There were so many things, I actually started keeping a log. I had multiple prophetic dreams. I saw things in nature at key times with biblical significance. I had key events that happened with biblical numerical significance. I was led to read scriptures that would have particular significance on particular days.  But the biggest things were simply evidences of His love and grace: He showed me favor and rescued me in my circumstances when I didn't earn it or deserve it. That is who he is. And so, that is the fruit He produces. He showed all of us that by sending his son Jesus Christ to Earth to reconcile us to Himself. Not to condemn the world, but to save it. (John 3:16-17.)

Don't underestimate the power of WITH-ness. It informs your identity. Jesus was our model for this too. Before he began his ministry or vocation, God confirmed his identity.   "As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”  It was right after this event that Jesus formally began his ministry or vocation as "messiah". 

And this leads to the reason I believe why the Spirit really wanted me to understand that the Lord is WITH me.  The past year was an attack from the enemy focused primarily on my identity. Without knowing that the Lord was absolutely with me in all the circumstances, I may not have stood firm. I am a child of God and with me he is pleased. Not because of anything that I do, but because I have placed my faith in his son Jesus Christ. That is what defines me and everything else should flow from that place of rest. Again, that knowledge is called discipleship. Therefore, it is a lifelong work in progress.  God definitely has something for me in my new town. And if that is where He led me, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else without him. Most importantly, God brought me there because of who I am becoming through trusting Him in all of this. 

 During this Advent, let me encourage you to meditate on the WITH-ness of God. What would you do differently if you knew He was right there with you in both the highs and the lows? I'd be willing to bet you would be less afraid, feel more loved, and be less anxious. In other words, you would have peace. I'm here to tell you that Peace is a Person, and his name is Jesus.  The best news is He is with you and already knows all the details of your life. He cares intimately. Emmanual... God WITH us. God WITH me and you. Doing life together. Merry Christmas!

Punctuation Matters: My favorite symbol. (Part 2)

 Three months ago, my life took a major turn driven by circumstances. As I mentioned in my last post, sometimes life demands you to either pivot your perspective or crumble. I will propose that when your theology and your psychology don't match, that is when most people crumble. Why do I say this? Because when life gets really hard, you have to decide if you really believe what you say you do. But more importantly, you have to decide if you believe that God is really who He says and that He can do what only He can do. Each time we answer those questions with a resounding "Yes", our faith grows and makes trusting Him the next time so much easier.

To successfully pivot, punctuation matters. You cannot put a period in the story where it does not belong. You have to let God be God in order to see what only He can do in your circumstances. Subsequently my favorite punctuation symbol in this season of life, is the semicolon. 

A semicolon is a punctuation mark that joins two related but independent clauses that are similar and complete statements on their own. They could each stand on their own, but the connection between them is the clincher. The first statement may be how bleak your circumstance appears or how hopeless it makes you feel. I will be so bold to suggest the enemy often writes these statements, especially if they contain absolutes. (i.e. you'll never get back up. you'll always be a failure. if God loved you, he would never have allowed this to happen) Don't grab the pen and cognitively place a period here. Instead, allow the truths of scripture and what they tell us about the character of God to mark a semicolon. Then the subsequent statement that follows we must submit and trust that only God can write. The bible has numerous examples of this to reference.  Here are a few. And they all share one key pivoting phrase, (see what I did there) ..... BUT, GOD....

But GOD.... this phrase that exists in the bible when God interceded in humanly overwhelming circumstances for his people in ways that only He could do so that 1. they would undoubtedly know it was Him working on their behalf and 2. so He alone would receive the glory. Those two little words are actually instrumental to a believer's ability to endure when circumstances feel hopeless.

• Genesis 50:20 when Joseph was talking to his brothers many years after they had sold him into slavery. "You intended to harm me; (but) God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." 
• Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
• 2nd Corinth 7:5-7"For when we came into Macedonia, we had no rest, but we were harassed at every turn—conflicts on the outside, fears within. But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us." 
• Romans 5:8 "Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

 If you have any doubts about how God could possibly work your hopeless situation, remind yourself of this verse from Ephesians 2:

"As for you, you we were dead in your transgressions and sins. (OH, if we stopped the story here we would all be crushed)... But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." 

You were dead; now you are made alive in Christ and heir to immeasurable grace and kindness. Still think God can't work in your current circumstances when all looks bleak? Think again; God loves the impossible. He did it through Jesus Christ. It literally is who He is. There is nothing that demonstrates his love better for you more, than when you can do absolutely nothing for yourself feeling at your lowest point, and yet, He steps in to rescue you. He makes a way when there is no way. It is his nature and he loves to do it. If He can solve your biggest problem through Jesus Christ, He can change your current circumstances in a moment.

This kind of love anchors us in stormy seas; it helps us endure whatever the enemy keeps throwing at us. God has done this for me continually throughout these three months and continues to do so. It has been simultaneously remarkable and crazy; when the time is right, I will share all the ways "BUT GOD" interceded. The irony is that to experience it we have our own connected statement to make and it comes from Isaiah 40. "BUT, those who hope in the LORD....they will renew their strength."
I never understood this scripture before like I do now. When you feel like you hit rock bottom, or circumstances could crush you, BUT GOD intervenes on your behalf, your strength to endure is instantly renewed. Instead of feeling crushed, I literally felt like I was flying above everything that was happening to me. When everything was falling apart, He literally flipped the script. It absolutely made no earthly sense and that is how I know it was God. 

He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

Being a runner, I have always loved this verse in the physical sense. Now, after recent circumstances, it has taken on an extremely richer meaning for me. To spiritually run and not grow weary, when most others would stumble, and fall is a big deal.  Look at the last verse. It is literally connected by a semicolon.  It has been the entire basis for this blog since its inception: my faith keeps me running, and I keep running because of my faith. 

But God made a way right in the middle of her circumstances; for that, I will praise Him the rest of my days.

Punctuation Matters: Don't Put a Period Where It Doesn't Belong. (Part 1)

 Had I known it was a landmark day, the end of a chapter per se, I probably would have reacted differently. But like most other landmarks in my career, it came smack dab in the middle of a seemly 'normal' hectic day like all others. I think this is true for most things in life that force us to either crumble or pivot. Had we known they were coming, we might try to avoid them completely. Experience has shown me that is partly why God allows them to happen. Because we all know what motivates change...a challenge. Without it, we would be content to stay put or even worse do things to avoid the pain all together. Challenges force us to move, when we don't want to. They offer us the chance to level up and bring a new you to the playing field. No challenge, no change. This is especially true as it pertains to spiritual growth and maturity in Christ.  But most importantly, they allow God to be God, right in the middle of challenging circumstances, and do what only God can do. IF... we don't try to write the story ourselves. Let me explain how I know this. 

The last baby I delivered was named Jeremiah. I don't think this was a coincidence. Jeremiah 29:11 (a very well- known scripture) tells us about God's character in the middle of a challenge. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. This scripture was God speaking to the Israelites who were held captive in exile. Things looked bleak. But God told them, I know what I am doing. I'm going to restore you at just the right time. The bible tells us that faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance in what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:11) When you are in the middle of a serious storm, it can be hard to see how any good can come out of it. But God's character is not something we see; it should be something we know as we learn to trust Him in incrementally greater ways.

Corrie Ten Boom put it this way: "When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer." If you aren't willing to sit still and let God lead you during serious challenges, you will never get to the desired destination which will always give you a better understanding of who God is and how much He loves you. Some people try to become the engineer. Some folks choose to jump off the train, even if the result is more pain. It takes bold faith to admit you are not in control and sit still to wait on God to write the rest of the story. That's why punctuation matters when it comes to your testimony. You have to remember who has the pen.  Faith is simple, but not always easy.

So back to the day I realized life was about to pivot. The next two weeks that followed were pretty tough. There were enormous waves of doubt, fear, and feeling overwhelmed. Think Bearing Sea waves, like we see on "Deadliest Catch." The truth is it could have easily crushed me had I not already seen how God can work through very difficult circumstances so many times before. Having heroes of faith to inspire us can also help. One of those people for me was Kaetlin Jetton. 

Kaetlin was a mother of 4 children, a beautiful soul, a colleague, a patient of mine and a friend. About two years ago, at the start of the pandemic, she was diagnosed with Leukemia; a pivot moment for sure. She is now with Jesus. Her celebration of life was exactly how I would want the punctuation mark to be at the end of my life on Earth....a Bonafide worship service! What stood out most, was how everyone described her as joyful until the very end. Even when there was no cure. Even when she felt immense pain. Immediately what struck me was that joy for a believer is clearly a choice. Her joy was a choice. "Joy is a decision, a really brave one, about how you are going to respond to life."-Wess Stafford.  Why? Because happiness is both conditional and fleeting. Joy is when I choose to remember God's goodness regardless of my circumstance. I may not be able to control what happens to me in this life, but I do have the power to decide how to react to it. No one can take that from you.  That is why the bible says, "The Joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehamiah 8:10. 

Want to know the craziest realization? Kaetlin is experiencing the most joy she has ever known, and it took going through cancer to get her there. How can I say this? Because it led her straight to the arms of Jesus. And that makes it all worth it.  Now before you say, "well, of course." Listen to what the Word says. 

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. -Psalm 16:11

Kaetlin is in the presence of Jesus, where there is fullness of joy. For the believer, it doesn't get any better. But the path to get there only God can make known to us. Read that last sentence again in the light of your greatest struggle. You have to let him put the punctuation marks where they belong and resist the temptation to re-write the story. Sure, He requires our cooperation and maybe even bold decisions in faith. But this is the only way you get to see all the pleasures He has in store for you. Not just ultimately in Heaven but here on Earth.  If you short circuit the journey, by trying to take control of the train, you will miss the blessings.  You will see God's goodness and experience joy now, even in the middle of extreme hardship. The choice is mine and yours. Just wait on God. Command your soul like the Psalmist did in Psalm 27. "I believe I will look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage. Wait for the Lord!" 

  Kaetlin reminded us of all of this; her testimony is alive in probably more ways than we may ever know. 

Often when I have delivered a baby for a believer, I will speak a particular verse over them during those last transitional moments when many mothers are contemplating giving up. I tell them, "Don't short circuit your joy, it is just on the other side of the pain. And it will be so worth it."  It comes from Hebrews Chapter 12. This same verse is on the wall above my treadmill. Every morning when I physically endure a challenge, I remind my spirit of the same truth. Need a hero of faith to look to in those moments when choosing joy is hard and you want to quit? Look to Jesus.

 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." 

The path of life can have some crazy twists and turns. That is what makes each story compelling and ultimately where heroes are made. But know this, a hero in the faith isn't someone who is braver than the ordinary man. They were just braver a few minutes longer. Long enough to let God do what only He can do. (Part 2) 

Guard Your Heart: A Love Letter to the Church

My church small group has recently been studying the books of Thessalonians and Revelation; these books have a lot of prophecy about eschatology. What's that, you ask? It is what the bible has to say about what the world will be like before Jesus will return. Oh, the Bible has a lot to say about it. As we studied the scriptures, it started to become clearer that these prophecies are not so we can know specific dates or times. But rather, they are designed to prepare the church for the last days.

 So, this is my valentine love letter to the church:  As the days become darker, the church will need to shine brighter. However, this can only happen if we guard our hearts to remain pliable and soft like God's heart is for his people. This won't happen unless we, the church, are intentional to do so. First, with each other. And then with the rest of the world.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." (Proverbs 4:23) 

At first glance you might think this verse is telling the believer to protect our heart from outside influences or place distance or barriers against things that will hurt your heart. Instead, this passage of scripture admonishes the believer to keep the Word of God tucked deeply in your heart and your gaze fixed on that same word made flesh, Jesus. It is less about keeping things out and more about protecting what is within; there is a big difference. You can only do this if you first read, study, and meditate on the Word. 

The same passage in proverbs alludes that guarding our heart will place a gate over our lips. Probably, equally as important in today's social media driven world. Luke 6:45 tells us that, "A good man brings good things out of the good stored in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of."  Proverbs 15:28 says the words of our mouth are an overflow of what's in your heart. In other words, if your feelings get hurt/ your heart gets knocked, what is inside is what is going to come pouring out.

So how do you 'guard' your heart? Protecting something makes me think of soldiers or armies. Soldiers who need to protect themselves wear body armor. So here is where I am going to suggest a new idea. The well- known scriptures in Ephesians about the armor of God are less about fighting a known enemy outside of oneself, but more about protecting what is deposited within oneself. (Read that last sentence again.)  If we want to be a church in the end times that continues to reflect the heart of God, we must remain soft, loving, and pliable as the world gets colder, harsher and darker. God did this when it came to our sin by sending His son, Jesus. As the world becomes darker, being a Christian can be exhausting. This leads to discouragement. Discouragement leads to bitterness. 

The bible even warns us that many 'Christians' will grow cold hearted because of it. Matthew 24:12, "Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold." Not a few. Not many. MOST. Let that sink in. In what condition would you want Jesus to find you when He returns? Burned out, bitter and cold hearted? Or standing firm for the gospel? 

 But Jesus also tells us the way to counteract this.  Matthew 11:29, "Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me. For I am gentle, and lowly in heart. And you will find rest for your souls."

I like the message translation for this one. " Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

----->Right here I need to confess this is an ongoing work for me. I am an extrovert and highly sensitive. I carry emotional baggage from my childhood that makes me care a little too much for the approval of others. Even as I write this post, I am struggling with these things. And I make mistakes that I have to acknowledge, then seek the Lord's forgiveness and repent.  The enemy knows my strongholds; He knows what buttons to push. Therefore, every day, I have to place my hurts on the altar of faith and allow God's Word to do a transformative work in my own heart. Why daily?  In the book of James, we are told He doesn't desire sacrifice but instead mercy. This takes everyday type work; specifically, it requires daily preparation. And it also reminds me that I will never overcome my need for my Savior. 

So let us look at Ephesians 6 and the armor that daily we should put on before engaging with a lost world. 

1. Put on the full armor of God, so you can stand firm and defeat the enemy's schemes. To me this admonition is really saying you have to start each day taking off your fleshly nature and put on 'your new self' which is daily being renewed by the Holy Spirit. We cannot expect to successfully engage the world, defeat the schemes of the enemy and protect our own hearts, unless we fully walk in the Spirit. When we do, all the qualities of the Spirit will naturally cover us, just like the armor does for a soldier going into battle. Colossians puts it this way. "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. " 

2. Belt of truth. A belt girds you up. It helps you move without tripping over yourself. As we get closer to Christ's return, the bible tells us there will be many false teachers. You can't recognize a lie, if you don't first know the truth. In John 8:44, Jesus tells us that Satan is the father of lies.  It is imperative as the church that we know the truth of the Word of God for ourselves. Podcasts and commentaries are great, but someone else's interpretation of scripture will never supersede the work of the Holy Spirit in your life.  Read your Bible. It has everything you need. 

3.Breastplate of Righteousness in Place (in front of your heart): If you really want to guard your heart from becoming bitter, cold, and jaded you have to first really understand where your own righteousness comes from. The truth is, we have none. It is the righteousness of Christ that is imputed to us by his death on the cross, that helps us stand at all. A holier than thou attitude with other people doesn't communicate God's love for them. Rather, when you really understand that none of us are worthy of grace, it is much easier to show it to others.  

4.Shoes for Readiness of Gospel of Peace: Shoes are important for navigating rocky terrain. Life can be hard. Bad things happen even to good people. Our shoes, which protect our tender soles or souls (intentional pun), are the truth of the Gospel. The Gospel is the source of hope, even when things get tough. The bible says we have to be ready, even in tough times to demonstrate this. 1st Peter 3:15: "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect." 

5.Shield of Faith: this passage in Ephesians says the shield of faith is to extinguish the fiery arrows of the evil one. This is big. And I am going to suggest more so for women. Women always believe that people, especially other women, act with ulterior motives. We read into everything. And that is exactly what the enemy wants you to do. He wants you to assign motive to other people's behaviors, while simultaneously expecting them not to do the same to us. The enemy knows what will trigger you and your insecurities and he often will use other people to do it. The shield of faith extinguishes these jabs by quenching them with what God says about forgiveness, your worth, and His mercy. We choose to believe THE truth instead a fabricated truth and that makes it much easier not to take offense that wounds the heart.  

6. Helmet of Salvation: Be confident in your salvation in Christ because it gives you every necessary tool we need to operate in the Spirit; we put on the mind of Christ. :"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:3-8

7. Sword of the Spirit - And lastly church, remember the Sword of the Spirit, which is scripture, is a defensive weapon, not offensive. Don't use scripture as a weapon to hurt people. Speaking the truth when warranted in love is important. (Ephesians 4:15) But the transformative goal is to renew our own minds and hearts so that when the enemy speaks lies, we can counteract it with truth. Keeping your heart soft requires building a hedge around it with the Word. 

Guard your heart, for everything you do flows out of it. How do we do that? By staying gentle and soft hearted to cold hearted world. And how do we do that? We do that by staying very close to Jesus Christ through worship, prayer, and the Word...every day. 

"Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. (He's coming back soon.)   Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:23