Recently I have been spending a lot of time pondering interpersonal relationships. They are complex, complicated, and sometimes messy. Always dependent on good communication between two parties, it is interesting how they can ebb and flow like tides or take dramatic turns entirely more like a river. Relationships with non-believers can be expected to be difficult at times to navigate. We are expected to share the Gospel with them, but not to be intimate with them. This can prove challenging. But relationships among believers are supposed to be different. We share a unity in Christ that is meant to supersede any individual differences. So what can cause these bonds to fall apart? The bible says it is spiritual immaturity. Let me explain.
I remember one of my pastors said once, "If you look around and see a lot of conflict in your personal life, that's a sure sign of spiritual immaturity." I didn't like it when he said that at all. At that time, my life and my relationships were full of conflict and his comment hit me straight between the eyes. At the time, I wasn't even sure what he fully meant; so I interpreted his comment to refer to emotional maturity. And to some degree that can also be true. But time has shown me the difference, and even greater, the importance of why growth in Christ that leads to our spiritual maturity should be our primary goal. Why? Because our maturity directly correlates with our ability to live out the Gospel.
What is spiritual maturity among believers? Essentially it is the daily process of looking more and more like Christ in your thoughts, words, and deeds. It begins the moment you accept Christ as your personal savior. Right away, one should realize that full maturity will never be possible this side of Heaven. But rather, maturing in Christ, is a lifelong journey (or race) for each believer and church body as we grow in our relationship to Christ through reading the bible and applying it to the circumstances in life we face. (Phil 3:14-15) Paul puts it this way in Ephesians 4:
"So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. " In other words, a mature Christian, and subsequently, a mature church body, knows their calling in Christ, is allowed to express it, and only does that which builds up others for the sake of unity, to ultimately reflect the mind of Christ to a fallen world. In its purest most ideal form, this would embody John 13:35..."By this they will know you are my disciples, by the love you have for each other." John isn't talking about the world's kind of love that is fickle, outcome dependent, and selfish. He is talking about God's kind of love that is long suffering, patient, and humble.
So why is this important? Because when we lack maturity in Christ, certain sequelae naturally occur. The first is division or lack of unity. Paul talked about this to the church at Corinth. The letter he writes in 1st Corinthians was written because the church was divided and quarreling over which leader they wanted to follow. He asks them, "Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Were you baptized in the name of Paul?" He goes on in chapter 3 to tell them that their quarrels reveal their immaturity in their faith. " I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ (immature). I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? "
The second sequelae is an inability to withstand trials. Jesus told us this in the parable of the soils. "The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature." In other words, they are worldly and controlled by the flesh instead of the spirit. So when difficulties, fear, conflict, or challenges come along, they quickly fall away.
I recently saw this quote and realized this is the prevailing message of the world and unfortunately for some Christians: "People don't understand that spirituality is duality. You can have beautiful energy and still curse like a sailor. You can read an enlightening book and still turn up. The internet has y'all thinking you have to be a certain way. Nah, just be yourself."
The truth is only the first sentence of this quote is correct. Spiritual growth does have duality; you must choose to gratify either the flesh OR the Spirit. It is not both/and. They are directly contrary to each other and lead to entirely different endpoints. Galatians 5:17, "For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so you are not to do whatever you want." Romans 8:6, "The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace." When you indulge the flesh, it leads to death, including the death of relationships.
So how does a believer gain maturity? Unfortunately this is not something we can affect without God. Eugene Peterson said this, "Maturity cannot be hurried, programmed or tinkered with. There are no steroids available for growing up in Christ more quickly. Impatient shortcuts land us in the dead ends of immaturity." I think this is important because we often think that increased knowledge leads to increased maturity. Maybe the more podcasts, bible studies or books I read will lead me to be a "better Christian." But Paul tells us "Knowledge puffs up, while love builds up." (1st Corin 8:1). This is particularly relevant because in this passage Paul is speaking to Christians about how to deal with someone who is less mature in the faith; it isn't with knowledge, it is with love.
The bible tells us in James 1:4 and in Hebrews chapter 5 the only way to gain maturity in your faith is to read the word of God and actually put it into practice in your life, and particularly during trials when your faith is being tested. James 1: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." To build spiritual muscle, you have to exercise it and fuel it with the proper diet. In other words, trying to get out of conflict instead of seeing it through and trusting God, stunts your maturity. Maturity comes by knowing God's word and allowing it to work in your life. When we take short cuts, we don't get to witness God being faithful to His word. This is what matures your faith. The enemy knows this so he will always try to offer a worldly substitute to temporarily ease your discomfort. Hebrews 5:14, "But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil." Daily reading of your bible, and the spiritually divined wisdom that is revealed to us by doing so, is what helps us gain the maturity we need to distinguish between what our flesh desires and what the Spirit of God desires in our lives.
Relationships are complicated, especially because we are all on different journeys as we are maturing in our faith. Maturing in Christ is a process that none of us will fully achieve until we see Him face to face. But if we err on the side of choosing love as it pertains to our relationships with others, the result is that we ourselves grow. Paul put it this way : "Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. "
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
This passage in 1st Corinthians begins with "Love is patient, love is kind." There is a difference between nice and kind. Niceness arises from selfish desires and masquerades as a virtue. Kindness puts the well being of the other individual first. Love is Kind. The answer, brothers and sisters, is always choose love.
