"The TALK"

Lately I have really been feeling the burden of attempting to raise two godly sons in today's world. I look around me and the statistics and behaviors I observe are discouraging. Recently I opened Yahoo to find that 4 in 10 people say that "the concept of marriage is obsolete"; 6% of families are live-in couples with children who opt never to get married and marriage itself has hit an all time low of 52% for people over 18 yo. Now add to that the responsibility of trying to teach children about sexual purity and waiting until marriage to have sex and one could see why Christian parents might feel like David attacking Goliath. But remember it only takes one well planted 'stone' of truth to tackle the Devil's schemes. I view my responsibility to educate my sons as both physical and spiritual and I'm going to make the case for both here. I'm hoping that by writing these words on paper (with the wonderful tool of backspace when needed) I'll have given some deliberate thought to the conversation that will ultimately take place. Yep, that's right...my boys have asked me to have "THE TALK." (Cricket, cricket.....)
My first comment to parents is this: do not rely on others to educate your children about sexual relations. I never got "the talk" with my parents and I wish that I had. It might have saved me a lot of heartache. Further, I don't believe that God holds us responsible for our childrens' decision making; everyone individually is accountable to God for that. However, he does hold you responsible for how well you equipped them to fight the battle. Focus on the Family can help with this. There are books that are geared to be age appropriate that will teach your children the logistics of sexual relations. The recommendation is that one gives them the book and leaves it in their room to read at their discretion; I did this and found them both reading the books alone. It is just as important to follow up on the introduction of such material and let them know you can answer questions. Next you have to provide the context for the logistics.  I realize this will sound really strange to a lot of folks (cue DC Talks' Jesus Freak) but I believe before you even have the 'talk' you have to frame their thinking at a very young age about relations. A few years ago I was introduced to the concept of "courtship dating" and it has framed discussions in our home. This paradigm subscribes to the notion that there is no need to date until one is ready to take a spouse and is at the stage of life to assume all the responsibilities that go with marriage. Frankly, dating is not a biblical concept and only presents opportunities for temptation. The fact that I even subscribe to such thinking now is a true testimony to what God has done in my life; when I was a teenager I thought I had to have a boyfriend and I made lots of stupid decisions that could have cost me my future. I thank God all the time that he protected me from myself and preserved his plan for my life; in fact I consider my parenting an act of God towards my boys and is an amazing part of my testimony considering the childhood that I had.
Here are the two major issues that I feel should be stressed in 'the talk':
1. God's rules are for us not against us. God is not the eternal 'party pooper'. He invented sex and he wants it to be enjoyed within the right context. God gives us rules to protect us. If you step outside of the boundaries provided by God's word, then you are not safe and provide easy access for the enemy to step in and try to de-rail God's plan for your life. I plan to use an analogy from LOST since my family are huge fans of the t.v. show. God set up the pilons (his commandments)  for our protection; his security system is the Holy Spirit who convicts us that sex before marriage is wrong. If you disable the security system and go outside of the pilons there is a large smoke monster waiting. It is not safe! Outside God's protection is heartache, disease, sin which causes guilt and ultimately separates us from God. God's word tells us there is no temptation that cannot be overcome and more importantly God will always provide a way out. This is the physical nature of the talk besides well...the logistics.
2. Your first love is very important. Marriage, and particularly the intimacy that involves sexual relations within the context of marriage, is designed to be a physical representation of  the union between Christ and the church. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery- but I am talking about Christ and the church." (Ephes 5:31-32) When you have sex with someone, in some part you become one with them. Something about sexual relations sticks to our being; "flee from sexual immorality, all other sins a person commits are outside the body but whoever sins sexually sins against their own body." (1st Corinth 6:18) Premarital sex is like duct tape; if you keep sticking it to something new over and over again it loses its stickiness. Therefore when the time comes for one to unite in marriage, the union isn't as God intended. Your first love is important, both physically and spiritually. The Church is the Bride of Christ and one day will be united with Jesus in the most intimate way when he returns. Our enemy is doing everything he can to attack this union and make it something that believers cannot relate to and therefore don't treat as important. If you don't see yourself as the Bride of Christ, then you won't act like one. Our enemy is attacking by attempting to:
1. Destroying the entire concept of marriage and what constitutes a family.
2. Defile the Bride of Christ with sexual sin among believers.
3. Derail the church with other loves so that our union with him will be 'less sticky' when he returns; these include things like prosperity gospel, not preaching about sin, eliminating the cross because it is offensive, or seeking to entertain rather than to worship.
I don't think it is a stretch to say that God puts emphasis on 'your first love'; in Revelation all the churches who are not found palatable to God "chose to forsake their first love" and adhered themselves to other truth before Jesus' return.This could be a whole other blog post...and probably will about what I am observing as churches attempt to straddle being in this world but not of it.
Well there it is...the talk in outline form. I feel like I'm about to give a briefing again in the Air Force. Only this one has eternal consequences. Wish me luck! And for all you Christian parents out there who struggle with the uncomfortable subject of sexuality in today's world, remember David. One stone... the tool in his hand that he was familiar with. When he slayed the giant that seemed impossible to tackle, just like when we raise up godly sons and daughters as a shining example.. then "we come against the enemy in the name of the Lord Almighty...and the whole world will know there is a God in Israel." 1st Samuel 17