She Has My Back

I need a vacation.  I'm just going to go ahead and admit it; for the truth is, I already did, out loud, and I spiritually suffered the consequences. (I should have read my previous post about coyotes!)  I've been telling those close to me for quite some time.  I worked really hard this past summer, taking call every other night for 4 months, and bearing the extra work load. I continued my running/exercise regime despite this to maintain my physical fitness and still managed to complete a triathlon Labor Day weekend.  The fatigue I was feeling was more than physical though. I've done a lot of work with God this year; we've wrestled out some big issues in my life. I've fought a lot of spiritual battles and in some cases gained some real ground in my promised land. God is bringing me out of my Egypt..my captivity of insecurities, hurts and hang-ups.  But something in my spirit was growing weary. I began to ask myself, "When are these issues going to be under my feet? Why am I fighting the same battles over and over?" It seemed like every time I gained ground, my enemy was right there to throw something new at me or the Lord pointed out something new I needed to work on. Ephesians 6 talks about the spiritual armor we clothe ourselves with when we fight battles. They include the belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, shoes of peace, shield of faith, and helmet of salvation. Pretty well covered from the front, when you can see an attack coming.

"Remember what the Amalekites did to you along the way when you came up out of Egypt. When you were weary and worn out, they met you on your journey and attacked all of you who were lagging behind; they had no fear of God." Deut 25:17-19


The physical burden has lifted now with two new physicians rotating into the call schedule, but the whole process left me physically tired and mentally weary. I recently discovered that this is when you are most vulnerable to an attack you didn't see coming. Out of no where a spirit of discouragement and frankly evil engulfed me from behind; thoughts came into my mind completely not characteristic of me with a strong inclination to sin. It is hard to describe, but in the moment, it felt like my fear of the Lord left me. Now please don't misunderstand me. When you are saved, you are sealed under the day of Redemption. No spirit can get in you; but they sure can get on you. They can evoke feelings and emotions. It scared me to see them rise up quickly and so out of character for me. Of course my enemy was eager to add shame to my insult. This is when you must fall back into what you know God's word says, instead of what you feel.  Knowing the danger of where this would lead if not stopped abruptly I immediately went to the one person I know has my back spiritually speaking. She hemmed me in.

This is why it is imperative that every Christian has an accountability partner. Although difficult to admit what was happening in my spirit, I knew it had to be done. Accountability requires face to face one on one interaction. It is the only way you can really get to the heart of an issue. When Jacob wrestled his issues with God, ultimately changing his name to Israel (Genesis 32) it says he was alone, and "got face to face with God and lived." I really believe this is why the world is moving so much to texting and social networks for interaction...No accountability. People will write/text things that they would never say in person. Further, if I surround myself with such communication as my primary method of dealing with my issues, then I never really have to get "face to face" with them or God for that matter. In the presence of God we become immediately aware of how holy He is and sinful we really are. Isaiah immediately upon being ushered in his vision into God's presence, cried "Holy, holy,holy" followed by "Woe to me. I am ruined! I am a man of unclean lips."
Accountability partners have to be someone you trust implicitly, who loves the Lord and knows his word, but is not your spouse. They really should be of the same gender and unafraid to speak truth into your life. Mine just so happens to be my best friend and I am unspeakably grateful for her. I immediately felt better after talking to her. That is exactly what is supposed to happen. Our enemy wants you to believe that if you really admit what is in your heart to God or another person, you won't be accepted or forgiven. Worse yet, like Jacob, we think it could be the death of us, if we really had to face it. Maybe not physical death, but the death of our dignity, what we want people to think of us, relationships or hope. The truth is exactly the opposite; your soul won't find rest until you get face to face with God. Sometimes he uses other people to do this. "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Prov 27:17.
The second half of the scripture is really where the key lies. "When the Lord your God gives you rest from all the enemies around you in the land he is giving you to possess as an inheritance you shall blot out the name of the Amalekite."
There is no shame in being weary; God knows this happens to us. That is why his word says, "So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a crop if we don't give up or quit." (Gal 6:9 MSG) As long as we don't quit and allow the enemy to overtake us you will get your inheritance. God showed me this is why the attack really comes. It's not because you were weak in your faith or tired. It is because the enemy knows you are about to get your inheritance due and when you do, the shame won't be anywhere but squarely on his head. So for the meantime, I am counting down the days until my vacation which is soon coming and eternally thankful for my best friend who has hemmed me in until I rest in what God is about to deliver.