So What Does 40 Look Like?

Today is my 40th birthday. Not quite as emotional as 30 was for some reason, but significant nonetheless. I've had several people comment when I told them this birthday I was turning the big 4-0, "You definitely don't look like you're 40." Which caused me to start thinking, "What does 40 look like?" Now don't get me wrong! I thoroughly enjoy being told that I still have a youthful appearance. This is especially in light of the fact that all my beauty efforts are now designed towards maintenance rather than necessarily achieving. Reflecting on this past year makes those efforts seem kind of comical. Why? Because I asked myself, "Instead of taking a worldly view, let's ask 'What does 40 look like to God?'. This past year has shown me emphatically that God is not concerned at all with maintenance. "See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19
1. What about 40?
Our God is very concerned with numbers. They have great significance to him and therefore He is very deliberate in his use of them. Forty is generally considered the number that signifies a time of trial, testing, and preparation that is followed by restoration and blessing. The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years as a consequence of their own disbelief in God. "Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD." (Deut 8:1-3)
This year I learned through Beth Moore's 'So Long Insecurity' that my insecurities are really a lack of faith. Through God's help I have been able to let go of some life long ones. I'm testifying to the Grace of God that I can honestly say that things that hurt my heart and therefore caused me to act foolish for 40 years no longer have that affect on me. That is huge. Why this took 40 years is the mystery of God's omniscience. Several years ago I asked God to give me a 'verse' each January for the next year of my life; I make a scrapbook page in January with a picture of myself for that year. This year my verse was Revelation 3:7-8. "I am the one who is holy and true. I hold the keys that belonged to David. When I open a door, no one can close it. And when I close a door, no one can open it. Listen to what I say. I know everything you have done and I have placed before you an open door that no one can close."  My vow for 2010 was: "Expect God to do something unprecedented in 2010: He will open doors in my life and I will be obedient to walk through them and put my feet on the land given to me." And then I added Isaiah 43:18-19 (Forget the former things; do not dwell in the past. I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?)  I had no idea back in January what God was getting ready to do! We were getting ready to walk out of my wilderness; my struggles in the early part of 2010 were "making a way in the desert and streams in my wasteland." I needed all of this to be ready for what God has planned next in my life.
2. Wisdom over knowledge.
When I was younger proving how smart I was to everyone around me was vital. Vital to what you ask? My self worth. My accolades were like trophies in the thought closet of my heart. Graduated high school at 16. Started medical school at 19 yo and youngest in her entire class. Graduated medical school at 22 yo with honors. Top of her residency class. Chairman of Junior Fellows for Air Force section of ACOG. Flight commander for Eglin Ob/Gyn. I valued both my appearance and intelligence and often used the latter as a weapon. My son Ben recently told me an American Indian proverb. "Gain wisdom not knowledge, for knowledge is of the past, but wisdom is of the future." The bible states it like this, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. All who follow his precepts have good understanding." (Prov 111:10) I had no idea when I was younger that what I valued actually made me a fool and kept me stuck in my past. "We know that all possess knowledge. Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." (1st Corin 8:1) To God, love is everything. It's so amazing to me how he has completely turned around  what I value; seeking more knowledge of him is everything to me. Knowledge that is never meant to be used as a weapon or to puff up. "If I have the gift of prophecy, and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." So today I welcome anything that strips away my former love of self knowledge, even if my pride suffers a little dent. In this past year, my 'knowledge' has been devalued more than I have ever experienced in my whole life. However, God has made it abundantly clear it is necessary for what the next ten years will hold. I trust him.  It may have taken 40 years of wandering, but God is not about maintaining the old. We're getting ready to do a new thing. Looking at my reflection (Proverbs 27:19),I see renewal not maintenance and I'm liking how 40 looks to God.