Stay in Your Lane

     Inevitably as the year ends, like most individuals, I start to ponder what goals or resolve to have into the New Year. In the past, I have asked the Lord to provide me with a bible verse aligned with his desires for my heart for the coming year.  And in his typical fashion, he has never failed. I've had some great ones like, Philippians 4:8-9 (focusing on what's true/pure)  and Isaiah 43-18-19. (God doing a new thing), Phil 4:11(being content in all circumstances) They have often been uplifting, encouraging, and exhorting. But this year, the Lord had a message for me I didn't fully see coming.

Lots of things changed in my life toward the end of 2017. My two sons both went to college leaving Greg and I with the proverbial 'empty nest'. However, the nest was promptly filled with two rescue pups from Alaqua that were full time. The entire rhythm of the house changed. Until August, Greg and I would wake up each morning, drink our coffee and read daily scriptures out loud together. This had been our practice for many years, but in 2017 we vowed to read them out loud to each other. It afforded great conversation and spiritual growth.  But once the dogs came, our routine fell apart.  Further, some of my close personal relationships ended or changed in ways I can't explain. There were personal conflicts. Work was busier than ever and all this slowly consumed my attentions.

I also published my first bible study in 2017 (Finding Your Worth in Christ: a study of Mary Magdalene)  https://www.facebook.com/beachstork/  It was the culmination of years of listening to the Lord and my experiences ministering to women.  I was sure it was part of my calling to write this book. So of course I expected to see God use it mightily for his glory. That wasn't the issue. It was that I wanted to see it with my own eyes. I needed to know that others appreciated my gift as well.  However, my lofty expectations were not met. And if I am honest, it made me sad. "Now what, God?", I asked. I began to feel like I didn't know my place in my spiritual race. Ironically the book was written to set women free from spiritual strongholds, but I felt myself being pulled right back into some of my own.  My soul was left with an emptiness and longing for both connection and the Word. I think deep down, I knew I wasn't where I needed to be. As Christmas approached, I set my resolve to press into the Lord for the holiday season. I actually deliberately avoided the hectic-ness and fluff of the season.

As I was flipping through my IG, I came across this quote: "Don't waste your gift because you are too busy trying to get others to notice your gift. Stay in your lane. Live your purpose."

 I saved it and moved on. But the Holy Spirit kept whispering to me, "Stay in your lane." I knew there was something I was supposed to deposit from this. And then the Lord brought this verse to my remembrance:

Galatians 5:7-8 " You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? That type of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you."

And in an instant, the realization that I had allowed myself to get off track hit like a ton a bricks. I have allowed myself to be distracted in more ways than one and my enemy knew it. It wasn't that my calling had changed. I had taken my eyes off of it. Distractions like busyness, seeking acceptance, pride, and comparison all pulled me off course.  As Paul exhorts us in Hebrews 12, we must "throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."   For 2018, I need to re-focus by very simply eliminating distractions that don't serve my purpose/calling, especially those that lead to sin. So how do I  do that? Well, the Lord was faithful to also provide that wisdom. Another quote soon appeared :

"Do you know why race horses wear blinders? Because they have to focus on running their own race. Learn to do the same." 

I have some ideas about how to do this. First, is to discipline myself back into daily reading of the Word. Greg and I began afresh this morning reading aloud to each other; this year we are choosing the ESV edition. We use http://oneyearbibleonline.com/, which is an easy format for reading through the entire bible in a year.  I will also wait upon the Lord to reveal more ways to re-focus in 2018. In the meantime, I have felt Spirit-led to resurrect this blog. Because when I'm 'Running on Faith', I know I'm in my God given lane.