I have always loved to sing ever since I was a child. My great grandmother used to care for me after school at her house. We played all sort of make believe games, card games, and watched her soap operas. But the thing I loved the most was singing solos while she played the piano. In essence, she taught me to sing. I think I hold it so fondly in my heart because that grandmother was one of the true godly influences that I had in my life and the time I spent with her truly brought me joy in what was otherwise a tumultuous childhood. Singing solos at the piano also fit right in with my developing personality...I liked to be front and center. I liked commanding other peoples attention. What I didn't realize until about 30 years later was that it was rooted in the insecurities that were born out of the same childhood.
I have always sang melody. Which in a choir generally translates to singing the soprano part. Again, remember...taking the lead is what I do best. For 10 years I sang with the praise team at my church. In all honesty, I liked being on the stage and reflecting back I know there were parts of my heart that were not in the right place. But I did enjoy it, until about two years ago. After being humbled, my hearts desired changed. (God will use your circumstances to accomplish this!) I joined the choir at my new church because I was fighting to keep the things in life that brought me joy, but really had no desire to step outside of that. Until very recently. Our choir had auditions for lead worshipers. I decided to audition. I was told that what they needed and what was felt would better suit me was an alto position. Say what? In essence, if I could master this then maybe I could have a place in that group. At first, I was hurt and defeated. Initially I decided I didn't want to do it. Maybe I didn't get it because God didn't want that for me anymore in this season of life. But at the same time I was reading about God assigning the duties of the tabernacle. The Israelites didn't get to choose their duty...it was assigned. The Merarites were assigned the duties of carrying the crossbars, beams, and tent pegs. They didn't get to carry the Ark, they carried the supports for worship. Maybe God was calling me to do the same. I decided I would try because with wisdom has come the realization that usually when my pride gets hurt, that might just be exactly where God wants me.
Fast forward to Night of Worship. I showed up and went straight to my usual place in the Soprano section. Almost immediately, I was moved to the altos. Okay, here we go. This week our pastors asked us to pray that Jesus was give us a greater revelation of himself. A face to face divine encounter that would in some way show us more of who he is. Obviously I was sensing a theme here with God because that is exactly what my focus has been and what the Spirit has been drawing me to. (More on this to come.) As I sang, I had to strain my ear to listen closely to the alto parts and follow accordingly. In that moment the Holy Spirit whispered to me. " This is right where I want you. If you want a greater revelation of me, this is exactly what you are going to have to do. Stop taking the lead, press your ear into me with your worship, and LISTEN." It all came full circle. Just a few hours earlier I had been reading my Priscilla Shirer book (Discerning the Voice of God) this passage: "He's in you. This means that listening to Him is an exercise in hearing from within--not being directed by external stimuli that divert your attention away from His direction."
I don't know if this exercise will realistically translate into stepping out of the choir into a lead worshiper position. Nor am I absolutely sure this is what God wants for me. But I absolutely realized that with humility comes a readiness to listen. Training my inner ear to hear his voice is definitely worth the practice and certainly seems to be in God's plan right now. So for awhile it appears I will be singing alto. It appears that developing harmony is part of my spiritual growth.
"May our dependably steady and warmly personal God develop maturity in you so that you get along with each other as well as Jesus gets along with us all. Then we’ll be a choir—not our voices only, but our very lives singing in harmony in a stunning anthem to the God and Father of our Master Jesus!" Romans 15:5-6 MSG.
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