Living Proof 2011

Lauren, Lisa & I at Beth Moore on the screen!

This weekend was my first weekend "off" in 9 months. Of course, I don't literally work 24/7 but I am potentially on call that amount of time and there is quite a difference in your state of mind when you KNOW the phone won't ring for you to come running. You might say my work situation has held me 'captive', in that I have to be within a certain radius of the hospital at all times. Like a pet on a chain in the yard, I can literally go only as far as that radius will allow me. The conscious choice over the last few months has been whether to strain with my eyes beyond that radius, which in essence can literally choke the life out of you...or be content within my captivity and the boundaries I am given. I've tried really hard to do the latter.
However, this past weekend I got to go all the way to Pensacola and Crestview. First, I went with my dear friends to see Beth Moore and Living Proof Live at the Pensacola Civic center. Afterward, I went up to Crestview to watch the Christmas parade that my children marched in. However, this freedom came with a cost. I had to pay another physician to cover me and that coverage was not cheap. I really struggled before going whether I should even spend the dollars. In fact, I asked God not to allow it all to come together if that was not his will. But, it seemed that it was and he did not fail to speak to me on many levels, which is probably why I went.
Beth taught on the book of Philemon. This book is a personal letter from the apostle Paul to his friend and brother in Christ, Philemon. It is regarding Onesimus, who is believed to have been a slave belonging to Philemon who escaped. Further, he probably stole from Philemon in order to have the means to escape. In the course of his travels, Onesimus meets Paul who leads him to Christ. Paul wants Philemon to take him back without repercussions and in fact, welcome him as a brother. A couple things spoke to me about Beth's lesson and my current situation. Two of which I'll explain here.
1. Slaves at that time who escaped would have at a minimum been beaten, but most likely killed. In fact, Roman law at the time said they could be crucified. Hebrew law stated that if a servant was set free, "but if the servant declares 'I love my master and my family and do not want to go free' then his master must take him before the judges. He shall take him to the door and pierce his ear with an awl. Then he will be his servant for life."Why would Paul send him back? For the ministry of reconciliation (2nd Corinth 5).
In my flesh, I didn't want to come back to my captivity. In fact, I even shed a few tears about it. But in my spirit I know there is no safer place than under the authority of my master and king, Jesus Christ. I love him. So I willingly submit to his authority, which has placed me in this call situation for my own good. I'm not a slave to my circumstances, I am a bondslave to Christ Jesus. His yoke with never choke you...it is actually easy to wear. Something tells me that I too will be called to the same ministry as Philemon in my circumstances.
2. My freedom came with a price. Yes, I did have to pay for my weekend excursions. But Jesus paid a much higher price on the Cross for me to have freedom and joy, despite my circumstances, and ultimately all of this is for that purpose. Paul wrote to Philemon, "PERHAPS, the reason he (Onesimus) was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back for good - no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother." v15-16.
PERHAPS, this whole situation I am in is to bring others to Christ. Perhaps, there are folks very close to me watching how I deal with a very difficult situation. Perhaps, my choices will serve to illuminate this Christmas season why God sent his son to Earth in the first place. If one person came to Christ because of your circumstances, would it make it worth it? The answer should be yes. Ironically, my last 9 months correlates exactly to the time required to bring forth a new human life. I have several people who work directly for me that I am praying will one day accept Christ. Perhaps...
I'll still processing everything God spoke to my heart this weekend. It certainly was nice to get away and spend time with my girlfriends and family. Thank you, God.

Why I Don't Like the Elf on the Shelf

The Christmas season is upon us and my house has been decorated; the tree is up. This year we are only putting up our one 'beach house' tree because this is where we spend our time and plan to spend Christmas. Putting it up did help me get in the Christmas spirit. Facebook is a buzz with seasonal posts; recently my friend asked her community of 'friends', "What is your favorite Christmas movie?" She received a flurry of answers, including many of the classic movies that we all watched as children. I loved those films...Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, and my personal favorite, A Year Without a Santa Claus. These stories are great fun, part of my childhood memories and I still love to watch them. But as I have gotten older, and now that I am a parent struggling to instill godly morals into my sons, I don't believe they should be used as tools to instill character.

The latest craze for parents of young children is "The Elf on the Shelf."  The concept is that families can adopt an elf from the North Pole into their family. During the day, the elf sits around the house taking notes while the child eats, plays, watches t.v. etc with the intention of reporting back to Santa. At night, the elf "flies"back to the North Pole, lays out the lists of naughty and nice and then comes back to the home by morning. To make things more interesting than that, your elf can 'play tricks' on you with mischievous behaviors.
My problem with the Elf on the Shelf is that is teaches children to be good "because someone is watching and you might get caught." As parents, I think instead we are supposed to teach our children to have character. Character is what you do when no one is watching you. If our goal is godly character, or that which pleases God, then we strive for obedience because we love him not because we fear getting caught. The latter is religion my friends, not relationship. I want my sons to have a loving relationship with a loving God and seek to obey him because they want to, not because they think people are watching. Further, I don't want my sons thinking that God is just like Santa Claus. He is not some imaginary being that if you are good, you can present a list to and you might get everything you want but not necessarily what you need.
God wants to change us from the inside out, not the outside in.
"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." Romans 12:2 (MSG)
Recently, I had an experience with my older son that hit this message home. I walked into our living room to find him and my other son watching a movie on the television that he had downloaded to his phone. I asked him what they were watching; he told me the title and it was a movie that is currently in the theater. He had downloaded a pirated copy from the internet. Immediately, I told him to turn it off and proceeded to explain to him that what he had done was stealing. We talked about that it didn't matter if he was never caught, it was still wrong and God and I care even more about it as an expression of character. He was of course remorseful, didn't fully grasp it as illegal, and most concerned that I was disappointed in him; it was a great opportunity to explain how God wants to know that we can be trusted in 'little' things so that eventually we can be trusted with big things that will affect his kingdom. The most pathetic part was that the copied movie was a terrible copy; the guy even dropped the camera during recording. So typical of the Devil who wants to offer us a worldly cheap imitation in exchange for God's best for us.
As you can tell, with two young teenage boys, I still have my challenges ahead of me. But I firmly believe, God does not hold us as parents ultimately responsible for our child's decisions - each is individually accountable for that- but he does hold us responsible for our stewardship. Our children ultimately do not belong to us, they are His, and he has given them to us for a time. Someday we will be held accountable for how we equipped them to tackle life, impact the world for God's kingdom, and ultimately what we taught them about Jesus. Until that day,I will continue to enjoy the Christmas folklore, traditions, and activities, but I will not use it to teach character or integrity.

Wisdom Always Trumps Knowledge

My wheels have really been turning lately about authenticity in a Christian's faith walk. The truth is, it is really the lack of authenticity in people around me that has been getting under my skin. To the point of agitation. (GRRRR!) Usually when something is bothering my spirit like this, God is up to something. Usually it has nothing to do with the people around me...it has to do with me. At least I've come far enough a long in my faith walk, I'm starting to recognize it.

A Simple Guide for Behavior "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor. Matthew 7: 2-4

 This week has been pretty interesting. I had a bunch of knowledge sort of dumped in my lap and then was left to sort it out. God's word in James says that if you lack wisdom on a matter, all you have to do is ask God. Wisdom is very different from knowledge. Knowledge is simply facts and frankly at times knowing certain things about people (especially if it is inconsistent with godly character) can be a burden. Wisdom is the ability to see the future outcome of a particular course of action. God wants us to succeed, especially as it comes to relationships and kingdom building, so he gladly and liberally will supply wisdom if we ask him. Only God knows the future, but he will gladly give you a glimpse of it if you ask.
I believe God gave me a glimpse of what he has been up to with me and my family this year. I had a divine appointment with someone this week who specifically and prophetically told me after hearing my circumstances that God was getting ready to launch me and my family into some type of ministry. (cricket, cricket) Ummm, what did you say? Ministry? No room for inauthentic character there; that explains a lot about what God has been asking Greg and I to work on, specifically our priorities, finances, and trust in him explicitly. I've had several people tell me and then confirmed in my own spirit, that everything that has happened this past year is in preparation for something.As Joseph told his brothers after they had thrown him in a pit, "what you intended for evil, God intended for good."
The other information I received was knowledge, not coincidentally I believe, at the same time had to do with someone's character. I had a choice to make of how to proceed. Thankfully I asked God first before plowing ahead and leveling that person. Why is that important? Because the holy spirit plainly told me, that anyone in ministry is going to consistently and constantly deal with people of lesser faith or even more frustrating, lukewarm faith. The holy spirit whispered in my ear, "What is accomplished by stepping on an ant?" Nothing.  If God is going to be able to use me in some type of future ministry and kingdom building, I am going to need to know how to deal with these types of people without displaying frustration or worse shaming them. After careful deliberation and prayer, I have decided to say nothing to the parties involved. I think they know that I know anyway. I will consider it a lesson learned.
Apparently I'm going to need this type of lesson, "if I'm going to be fit" to serve in some future capacity.

Sign of the Times

I'm sure you have heard this familiar expression, "It is just another sign of the times." Most people don't realize that many of the expressions that we use in common speech have their origin in the bible. I suppose many of you have heard the saying, "Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning." Well, it comes from the bible. Jesus actually used it as an example to illustrate that he would one day return from the dead which would be the only sign needed that he truly was the Son of God.
He replied, “When evening comes, you say, ‘It will be fair weather, for the sky is red,’ and in the morning, ‘Today it will be stormy, for the sky is red and overcast.’ You know how to interpret the appearance of the sky, but you cannot interpret the signs of the times. A wicked and adulterous generation looks for a sign, but none will be given it except the sign of Jonah.” Jesus then left them and went away. (Matthew 16)

Today this familiar expression means that the world around us is changing and growing ever more dark as Jesus predicted it would prior to his coming again; a "sign of the times" in an indicator that we are growing closer to Jesus' return as evidenced by the way our world is going. By contrast, while the world is going in one direction, God is doing something entirely different with his church. He is using this time to prepare his bride, making her into a church that is authentic, pure, and living for his return. Our current 'signs of the times' are believers who put Jesus first. First before any job. First before any possession. First before anything else in their lives. Those kind of believers are like billboards to this generation that Jesus is alive, and he is coming back. This is the kind of church God is preparing; this is the kind of believer God is molding me to be, although sometimes difficult.

"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks." John 4:23
What is worshiping in Spirit and truth? It is going where God tells you to, laying down on his altar what he asks, and loving him completely. No matter what. 
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true act of worship." Rom 12:1

I've mentioned before that God has told us to sell our home. Let me tell you, when this year began that was definitely not part of my plan. But part of this journey has involved a constant dialogue with him regarding being willing to lay things down in my life on my altar of worship. Sometimes I placed them there, only to try to keep part for myself. ( A future post regarding this.) Other times, I've laid it there willingly but with eyes full of tears. I do feel though that this is what we are called to do and I know that God will eventually bless my obedience. Now to pray that it sells quickly! For us, it is a 'sign of the times' of what God is doing in our hearts and lives and ultimately in his church of believers. My prayer is that our obedience is sign to those around us; he is alive, he is coming back and he is looking for true worshipers. 

Gotta Move

Crissy Thibodeau, my instructor, and her twin boys

I am frequently motivated by music. I usually at any given time will have a particular song that is speaking in to my life/current situation. Right now is no different, and my anthem seemed so appropriate for the events of the day.  Today was quite a physical day. I started by running my first race since all the challenges at work had begun. It was the Blue Mountain 30 A 5k. There were small hills along the course; I could tell that all that weight lifting I have been doing really helped me push up those hills.  I finished first for females over 40. That made me the "Female Master" Overall winner. There wasn't a huge turn out for the race, but it was nice to win a medal my first time running again and I felt good when I finished with a time of 29:05.
Next I went to my regular Zumba class. I thought she was going to take it easy on us because today was Zumbathon/Party in Pink for Breast Cancer. I was wrong; class was as challenging as ever. So after class and Zumbathon, I did almost 4 hours of Zumba.

 It was challenging but I completed everything I set out to do. But more importantly, I succeeded in reminding myself how physical challenges are such good analogies for spiritual ones. That's why Paul used the examples of running a race so many times in his letters. Despite everything that has happened this year, I am actually now stronger. Both physically and hopefully in my walk with Christ more than ever before. All the training, which has been at time painful, has paid off.






So back to my song. My current choice is "Move" by Mercy Me.

The lyrics pretty much describe how I feel about Zumba and exercise right now as a physical demonstration of my faith walk. Lord, your word promises brighter days...so I'll keep dancing anyway. Gotta move!

I'm not about to give up
Because I heard you say, there's gonna be brighter days
I won't stop, I'll keep my head up
No I'm not here to stay, there's gonna be brighter days
I just might bend but I won't break
As long as I can see your face
When life won't play along and right keeps going wrong
And I can't seem to find my way
I know where I am found, so I won't let it drag me down
I'll keep dancing anyway
Gonna move, gonna move, gonna move

I've got to keep it steady, keep my head in the game
Everything is about to change
This hurt is getting heavy, but I'm not about to cave
Everything is about to change, there's gonna be brighter days
Just might bend, but I won't break
As long as I can see your face....

No matter what may come, gotta move to different drum, gotta move.

What's Your Jericho?

If you read my last post then you know that I participated in a church wide fast for 21 days. The goal was to set something aside for this period of time...to sanctify yourself...in preparation for seeing God work wonders. The inspirational scripture was from the book of Joshua as the Israelites are about to take possession of their promised land and cross the river Jordan. Joshua 3:5 "Prepare yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you."
Our pastor told us that the first town that Joshua had to conquer among entering the promised land was Jericho. "Now the gates of Jericho were securely barred because of the Israelites. No one went out and no one came in." Joshua 6:1
Jericho represents strongholds. Strongholds are ways of thinking, basically lies, that we adhere to strongly despite the fact that they are not of God; they hold us captive. No one gets in and no one gets out; at least that's how our enemy would like it to be. It is spiritually significant that the Israelites had to conquer this place first. Why? Because the battlefield for our souls largely takes place in the mind. Overcoming strongholds is the key to fulfilling your destiny in Christ and taking the land God has prepared for you.
How you do know what your stronghold is? Pastor Steve said, "ask yourself these questions."
Identify the king: Do you feel like what you battle constantly is becoming part of your identity? The enemy wants it to be that way. He wants it to be Jennifer, the _____________. (Fill in the blank here)  What makes you defensive...hopeless? That's what he wants to write in the blank.
I knew exactly what to write in the blank. My stronghold is rejection. It stems all the way back to my childhood and has controlled my behavior ever since. I see rejection even when it is not there. For most of my adult life, I was motivated by things I thought would gain approval from others. In many ways, I turned those things into idols because I was hoping to gain from them what only God can provide. God wants to tear down those walls and let the truth come rushing in. In my mind, it was 'jennifer', the despised, the rejected. I realized instantly that my current situation, with the other doctors, is my Jericho. (Have you noticed that SHHEC has a big 'tower' out front?)  I could choose to live inside those walls and further cement this as part of my identity, controlling my behaviors, or I could choose to make it the event that sets this captive free. Just like the cross at Calvary, the enemy was hoping it would be the death of one of God's beloved, but instead God will use this in my life to bring himself glory.
The way we weaken the walls of our Jericho is by meditating on God's word. Replacing lies for truth. I think God asked me to eliminate Facebook so that what people had to say would be so much less important than what God had to say. After 21 days, it becomes a habit/way of thinking. So for the last 7 days of my fast I read scriptures each morning that told me how God feels about the rejected of this world. I also walked around my house praying each morning; I encircled it once for 6 days, and then on the 7th day I walked around my home 7 times finishing with a shout of praise. The last day of the fast literally was a shout of praise. We had a "Night of Worship" at DWC and I sang with the choir, which I recently joined.
Here are some of the scriptures God gave me:
1st Corinth 1:27-29 " God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things- and the things that are not- to nullify things that are, so that no one can boast before him."

Psalm 22:24 "For he has NOT despised or scorned the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from her but has listened to her cry for help."

Neh 4:4 "Hear me O God, for I am despised. Turn their insults back on their own heads. Give them over as plunder in a land of captivity.

Deut 7:6 "For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the people on the face of the earth to be his...his treasured possession."

John 15:19 "If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you."

Col 3:12 "Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience."

No, nothing miraculous has changed yet with my call situation. In all honesty, I was hoping God was going to drop some amazing solution in my lap after 21 days. That didn't happen. But don't get me wrong, I do think things have changed...in my mind and priorities.

21 Days of FB Fast

At the conclusion of my last blog post I indicated that I would spend some time in prayer to decide what I would give up during the next 21 days. This period is meant to be a time of sanctification in anticipation that God is getting ready to move in my current work/life situation.

Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you." Joshua 3:5

My family and I are eager to know what direction God is taking us. We have felt strongly since January that the events of the last year were designed to prepare us for "something"...we just weren't sure what. I've had numerous people speak that over my situation which only confirms it for me.  Although some would describe my current situation as 'captivity', that is a worldly view. A spiritual perspective would frame the events as God's way of actually setting me free from things that have held me captive; I can testify this is absolutely the case as I have relied upon him instead of things, possessions, or people to get me through this season of life. I can absolutely say without a doubt that I have no desire to go back "to the way things were" prior to February 4th, 2011. I'm ready for something new. I'm ready for what God has planned for me and this time of preparation is so that he will reveal it to us.

"See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you." Isaiah 42:9

To be able to hear God's voice, I decided it was important to eliminate distractions or inputs that frankly have begun to take up too much of my thoughts and energies. So, for the next 21 days I am not going to log on to Facebook at all. People who really mean something to me or care about me will contact me 'the old fashioned' way. Sometimes when there are too many voices, God's voice can get drowned out. Eliminating the chatter, can help you focus on the only the voice that matters. Remember, when the Israelites were sent to scope out their promised land, only 2 of the 10 came back with the report that God intended. The others did not speak God's promises over their situation. At the time of the Exodus from Egypt, it was estimated that the nation of Israel was about 2,000,000 people. That means only 1 in a million held onto God's promises and were willing to go in and claim their promised land. That's the type of believer I want to be. I'm ready to leave Egypt, cross my Jordan, and take possession of some new land. For the next 21 days I will be getting ready to see God's favor work itself out. Of course, I'll keep you posted.

What's Next, God?

This week was homecoming at my sons' school, Rocky Bayou Christian School. First I just have to say that I just love their school! Both boys have been there since they were 4 years old and their education at RBCS has definitely added to the foundation for life that we have striven to achieve in our family. I was particularly emotional about the whole event because Cameron was on the homecoming court as one of the freshman representatives. The reality of just how much he has grown really struck me as I stared at the person who was once a baby I rocked to sleep and now standing before me as a handsome young man. It's amazing how transformation takes place in individuals. So slow and yet so fast, at the same time.
One of the things that really struck me occurred at the presentation of the Court on dance night. Each member of the court was introduced and a short biography was read about them. So many of the young people in front of me were obviously talented young men and women with their whole lives in front of them. Yet, so many of them when their biographies were read said that their plans were all dependent upon where Jesus would send them. Yes they had aspirations, but so many said that those aspirations were only meaningful if they fit into God's plan for their lives. These weren't just trite little quotes to meet some unspoken Christian school expectation; the listener knew, they meant it.  In that moment, I was a little jealous. Oh, how different my life might have been had I had such wisdom at 16 years of age! The very lesson that God is teaching me right now, some of these young people have already mastered!

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." Prov  16:9
"I know that people's lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps." Jer 10:23

Greg and I have been struggling a little with what comes next for us. Life since January has been a big transformation both for us and within us; this only confirms for us in our souls that it is part of God's plan for our lives. We know in our hearts that we are being prepared for something, but we just don't know what. Initially we struggled with really trusting that God was in control of this whole situation. We have fully come to that understanding. One lesson/outcome of the last few months is that I truly am relying on God every day for my hope and have put down a lot of the idols that I once turned to for comfort.  Last night, however,  I expressed my frustration with the fact that the Lord has not told us where he is leading us. I even cried a few tears over it. Sure enough, the message at church today was EXACTLY on this topic. (Again, the Lord confirmed we are in the spiritual house he wants us in right now). Pastor Steve told us that if you are asking the question, "What's next, Lord?" in your life, you have to seek the Holy Spirit to tell you. He wants you to know his plans for you; they are not a big celestial secret. Crossing your Jordan River into the land God has for you takes a few preparations on our part.
----Early in the morning Joshua and all the Israelites set out from Shittim and went to the Jordan, where they camped before crossing over.  After three days the officers went throughout the camp,  giving orders to the people: “When you see the ark of the covenant of the LORD your God, and the Levitical priests carrying it, you are to move out from your positions and follow it.  Then you will know which way to go, since you have never been this way before. But keep a distance of about two thousand cubits between you and the ark; do not go near it.”
Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you.”----Joshua 3:3-5

It was made clear to us, that what God is preparing us for will be obvious to us when we see God move in our lives. It won't be by our efforts, but something that only comes from him. It will be something NEW, that we have never done before. And we have to prepare ourselves in order to see his wonder.
Pastor Steve asked us to ask the Holy Spirit how we should sanctify ourselves in preparation. Specifically, what should we get rid of that will hinder our ability to hear from the Lord. For 21 days, we are to set ourselves apart and be ready. This afternoon I will be spending some time in prayer to determine what should be let go; I am so ready to see God's wonder work itself in this situation.

My PCS of Faith

Both my husband and I grew up as military brats. If you are one, you know exactly what this term defines. It is not so much about an attitude or level of behavior, it is about a lifestyle. Children of military members understand things like code of ethics, sacrifice, and duty from a very young age. They also understand that duty takes precedent over comfort and often this requires frequent moves. Most military families pick up and move every 3 to 4 years; it's called a PCS or 'permanent change of station'. I actually liked it when I was a child. Although it meant saying goodbye to familiar friends and surroundings, I always looked at it as a new start. Somehow I had convinced myself that when I got to our new location I could "start over" and create the ideal relationships that somehow lacked in my current location. I could re-create myself, if I so chose, and the fresh start always seemed appealing. The problem is....that is not how life or moving works. Why you ask? Because a move involves movers, and when you get to the new location you have to unpack your stuff. We all bring baggage with us.
I'm watching some folks around me who basically are trying to create what they believe is a fresh start for themselves. They are essentially quitting their current life in an attempt to move into some kind of new one. The problem is, that apart from God this is impossible. Doing it in your own strength, will only produce the same results. You can't expect a different outcome, if you keep going about things in the same manner.
Solomon, who was the richest man in the world with everything he could want or need, said it this way in the book of Ecclesiastes..."Utterly meaningless, everything is meaningless. What do people gain from all their labors for which they toil under the sun? What he meant was, that a life here on Earth apart from God (under the sun) is meaningless because all your self improvement efforts are in vain. Anxious toil is exhausting and I would suggest that is why most of us want to quit. What we are really seeking is relief from our circumstances and the hard work it is going to require to fix them; the path of least resistance seems somewhat like a military move. Just pick up and go somewhere else. Oh, yeah...the baggage.
That's why we have to live life "above the sun"...with the big picture that only God gives. This only happens by staying connected to him on a daily basis. Brave Christians who want to grow in their faith are willing to ask themselves tough questions. This is something I am currently learning especially as it relates to the things that make me anxious. But I will tell you one thing....I am not going to quit, despite what the current rumor mill might suggest. My life has undergone a lot of change in the last six months, most of which I would not have chosen. But my walk with God is stronger than it has ever been as I turn to him daily for the perspective that I need to get through it. As we try to sort through our house in Niceville, getting ready to put it on the market, the process seems overwhelming. That is exactly how our enemy wants the process of change to feel...overwhelming, so that we will chose to quit rather than push through the mountains of baggage to achieve what God has in store for us. At times it certainly does seem easier, and appealing, to just walk away from everything I am dealing with. I'd rather have a little discomfort now knowing that I'm on my way to the blessing God has in store for me, than have to live with the lifetime of regret that accompanies the believer who chose to quit rather than persevere.
God wants us to move too, but only when we are willing to go through the processes of change that will make us more like his Son. Change is how God moves you from glory to glory. (Read that one again! and meditate on it for a second.) It really is a permanent change of your station (PCS) in life.  If that is true, then quitting would be the worst thing to do. The question to ask yourself is, "Am I resistant to change?" The answer for most of us, is yes.
Only God makes things new. Only God can release you from the baggage that causes us to labor in vain. Looking at your circumstances through worldly glasses will always encourage quitting. But seeking God's perspective on the matter will take your faith to the next level.
"So from now on regard no one with a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if any one is in Christ, they are a new creation. The old is gone and the new has come." 2nd Corin 5:16-18

You Are What You Eat

The last six months have presented a lot of challenges for me. As a result, I have thrown myself into working out with higher intensity and frequency. There is definitely something to be said for natural endorphins and all of those chemical reactions in the brain that accompany exercise. I firmly believe that exercise has dramatically affected my ability to deal with my current circumstances; it also has the added benefit of making me feel better about myself, gain some control of my circumstances, and God has used it to illustrate some key ideas in scripture. I haven't been running as much (waiting for it to cool down!), but I have been doing Zumba 5x /week and since February I have also had a personal trainer. My trainer has changed several times due to circumstances at the gym. I'm actually on my third trainer as the case may be; but, I believe God saved the best for last. I'm making a lot of progress.
My new trainer, Sergio, has a unique outlook about training and he really tailors his approach to each individual. Because we like him so much, he is actually training my whole family.  He strongly recommended the use of supplements. Recently, he really got on me about my diet. At first I was defensive. What, you're going to take away one of my joys? Ice cream, really?!! That's downright uncalled for. You see Sergio will be leaving the gym soon and moving back to Chicago. So his goal is to accomplish as much as we can during this season that he and I will working together. This can only be accomplished if we focus not only on the building of muscle, but the fuel we use for the machine as well. For Sergio, it's all about protein as the primary fuel. As a result, my whole family has changed their diets. This whole mindset of food as fuel, and not simply something for our enjoyment and entertainment, got me thinking about another seasonal dietary change that has occurred for our family.
Our family has changed churches. Since February we have been attending Destiny Worship Center in Destin. I felt very strongly led by the Holy Spirit that I was to attend this church. Then when circumstances occurred at my job that have made it nearly impossible to spend time in Niceville, the decision became a logical one. We haven't changed our membership, but for now know that this is where we are supposed to be. At first, it was very hard to not be a part of NUMC. We have been members there for over 13 years. What I have discovered however, is that God wanted make sure I had the right kind of fuel for the spiritual training that I would be doing during this season of life. EVERY week the message is exactly the one I needed to hear. As Greg said once, "If I hear another message on the fact that God will fight your battles for you...." Of course, what he meant was, that during this season of life there were particular promises in scripture that we were going to need to know and God has made sure to repeat a few of them. God placed us where we would hear those particular messages needed to fortify us for this particular challenge. This last week I was feeling discouraged and tired. I said to Greg, "What am I fighting for?" The message this week was about being bold and not quitting because what we are fighting for is the name of the Lord. (Psalm31:3) Ok, I got it.
Just like different believers have different callings, so do different churches. It has seemed to me that my church in Niceville puts a lot of emphasis on new believers and the un-churched. There is nothing wrong with this and it certainly has it's place. To stretch our faith, God needed us to move out of our comfort zone. If we wanted to grow in our faith, and build new spiritual muscles, especially in circumstances where they are going to need to be flexed (Like now!), we couldn't  keep eating the same diet just because it's become a regular choice.We needed to trust him and that included the spiritual food needed for our training.

"In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil." Hebrews 5:12-14

There are several instances in scripture where God refers to spiritual immaturity as infants feeding on milk. When we need to grow in our faith, as our circumstances demand, we need meat. We need spiritual protein. God knew I was going to need the fuel to look at my situation through his eyes, not how the world would demand me to. He knew that I would need to take a stand and be bold in my faith, flexing muscles I hadn't used before because I had never been challenged on my knowledge of God's promises. He made sure I would have the spiritual meat to build those kind of muscles by placing me where I would hear those kind of messages and feast on that kind of truth. For this season of life, that place is Destiny Worship Center. If God requires us to elevate our spiritual intake, based on our challenges, can you imagine what would happen if your diet only consisted of worldly offers? Not only would you fail in having the fuel you needed to rise to the challenge, I'll speculate you wouldn't even have what it takes to keep the faith. The world offers you a fast food diet for your faith; quick to satisfy, but ultimately bad for your spiritual health.  This is why it is so important with what inputs we surround ourselves with and what truths we choose to internalize; you are what you eat. When fortified with God's promises (the ultimate supplements) and living a righteous life (making choices based on what God's word says and not what the world says), you are building some serious spiritual muscle that God can use. I want to be ready when that challenge comes and by God's grace I am discovering that I am.

"Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready.You are still worldly." 1Corin 3:1-3.

Training is hard work whether it is physical or spiritual. You need the right fuel for both. To build muscle you need protein...or meat as the bible puts it. I am thankful that God has placed me where I can be fed with the right type of fuel to sustain me during this season of life. Thank you God for all that you continue to do to work for my good despite my circumstances (Rom 8:28); it's what your word promises and that's something I can really sink my teeth into. 

I Think God Appreciates The Flash Mob

Recently my Zumba class orchestrated two separate flash mobs at well known public spots here in town. Our first one was at Harborwalk near the Emerald Grande in Destin. Last night we did our second one at Destin Commons in front of the movie theater as folks lined up to get their tickets for 'Harry Potter'. (That's me all the way to the right!)  Both were a great success and a whole lot of fun! For those of you who might not know, a flash mob is where people pretend to be regular bystanders at a public place, mingling, doing their own thing and then suddenly come together in unison to perform some type of dance number. Ours were Zumba routines; we all wore pink zumba shirts that were revealed at the beginning of the number and black pants. It usually attracts quite a crowd of onlookers once they figure out exactly what is happening.
I started thinking about the whole concept of the flash mob. Why are these so popular right now? In a world that pretty much affirms that what is right for you is personal truth, there is obviously something inside all of us that appreciates unity. Unity is the appeal of the flash mob: a bunch of disorganized individuals come together and in unison create something amazing that everyone will want to watch.
As usual, this revelation is so appropriately timed to spiritual events in my own life. I think we all struggle with how God's will is orchestrated in individual lives especially as it relates our free will to choose. This might be a little poetic license but in some ways it is not unlike a flash mob, spiritually speaking, and there is a part of our souls that crave that type of unity. Each participant has the abilities and the choice whether to participate in God's grand production. You can't force it either. Just like the popular T.V. commercial about flash mobs reveals, timing is everything. If one of the participants tries to play their part at the wrong time, it doesn't accomplish the same effect as everyone in unison and in the end you look foolish. When God has something planned or willed for your life, he will bring all the right components of that event together at just the right time to accomplish that specific purpose. You will know it was God who did it because only he will be able to orchestrate all the seemingly disorganized components; it won't be able to happen under your own power, abilities, or efforts. That is how he is sure to get the credit.  It is not uncommon that you will get a glimpse beforehand of what it is going to look like; faith is knowing to wait on God's timing and not force it to ours, because the end result is better that way.
Psalm 133: How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity....for there the Lord bestows his blessing.
I am seeing this type of heavenly choreography at work in two distinct sets of circumstances; one is in my life and the other is my best friend's.  Over the past few years at times I would talk to my husband about selling our home in Niceville. He was very resistant to it and therefore the answer was no. Because of my work situation, now I am never there. Because I am not there, my husband and sons have chosen to spend a lot of their time at the beach house with me. This has actually proven to be a blessing. Because we spend our time in 700 square feet instead of being spread out among 3000 sq ft, our family has grown so much closer over the last 6 months. My marriage is stronger than it has ever been and the lesson of the importance of family/being a supportive husband has been stressed for my sons. Greg and I have been praying together for God's will to be revealed for our family; we don't know exactly what that will be but we have told him that we trust in him, not in a particular outcome, and will follow his leading. Last week my husband came to the belief we should sell our home in Niceville; it doesn't make sense to pay all that we do on a monthly basis and not be there at all. Our plan will be to live at the beach house for a while, saving money and paying our debts, and wait until God's plan is fully revealed. It has been amazing to me to see how God will bring things into unity at the right time. If God wills something for your family, he will bring everyone in unison to accomplish it. You don't have to convince or nag your husband; God will work on his heart to where he believes it is the right thing to do. Greg himself recently said, "It's amazing how the Lord works things out!" Amen.
I have seen this same thing happen in my best friend's marriage. She believes God has placed a goal for their family in her heart. She is so excited for the possibility that she began researching, questioning and planning in her mind. The key thing though is that for this type of family event, everyone has to be unified in both agreement and acceptance. Her temptation would be to try to influence her husband; she has learned this is not necessary. God is already at work in bringing him toward thinking that event is a good idea. Even her very young child has revealed a unified spirit saying things that only the Holy Spirit could have placed in his little heart!
The bottom line is that our souls crave unity. Why? Because ultimately we crave to be at peace with our creator and to know his plan for our lives. Everyone needs purpose for their existence. It is in unity with God (the divine choreographer)  that our purpose is revealed (Read that one again! and chew on it.) and as the psalm stated, therein lies the blessing.

I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be as one as we are one- I in them and you in me-so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. (John 17:22-24)

Hope in Training: Your Spiritual Bosu Disc

I've discovered a new fitness device thanks to a personal trainer that I had at Gold's Gym....the Bosu Disc. It is a flat disc on one side and a squishy inflatable half ball on the other. The purpose is to develop your stability or core muscles. There are numerous exercises one can do with the disc, depending on which side you choose to use. It basically makes all exercises a little harder.  Even simple squats on the disc require extra balance. You can feel all your little muscles fighting against gravity to keep you upright, maintain your balance, and prevent you from falling off the surface as you perform  the task. Initially you are pretty shaky. But as you get stronger, and your core muscles are more secure, the shaking diminishes.  I remember my trainer told me that as you get stronger, those episodes of off-balance where you almost fall off won't be such a big deal...you'll recover easily because you've developed strength in your core.
I was sitting in church one morning and the Holy Spirit whispered in my ear, "Your core is like hope. It requires training."
I had to think about this for a minute. Because I guess I always thought that as a faith issue we either put our hope in Jesus Christ or we didn't. I guess I didn't realize that hope itself might need some gym time.  Spiritually speaking, your core muscle of faith is what or whom you put your trust in. Fundamentally, it is where you derive hope. Hope really is at our core; I'm not sure how you make it through life without hope. Proverbs 13:12 puts it this way..."Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life."  You can flex your muscles of faith in all sorts of different areas of life, but when something challenging comes along with the ability to knock you off your feet, it is the core of your belief system that will keep you standing. Do you trust God or not? I mean....do you REALLY trust God or not? This is hope. I've learned over the last few months that in my faith walk, hope goes through training. God has shown me that by training my hope in him, each time something in life comes along with potential to knock me off my feet, the work I've done him in the past prevents it from having that affect. In fact, the stronger I get, the less I am even shaken by it. Over the last few months I've had several opportunities to work out my spiritual core muscle.  Each time that I was presented opportunities to not trust God, with the option of trying to take control of  the situation, hope was in training. By trusting God and believing what he told me, I was training my hope and becoming so much more stable in my faith walk. I realized this when the one thing I had been praying for walked in the door and I told God that if this wasn't his plan, I'd be okay with that because I trust him and know he has my best at heart. It was like going to the gym and benching 150 pounds...I saw my hope muscle stronger than it had ever been and I realized all this gym time with God has paid off.
Why is it important to train your hope? Because just like gravity, there is a constant pull on your life to fulfill a calling for which you were placed on this Earth. There are always going to be situations in life that will attempt to derail you, cause you lose balance, or fall. One thing about the Bosu disc I have learned is that the exercises are so much easier if you keep your eyes focused on one spot out in front of you.
"And let us run with perseverance the race marked out before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith." Heb 12:2
People are watching us as we work out our muscles of faith; just like at the gym. The world wants to see if your core is really what you say it is. Our world craves authenticity. God trains our hope so that we will fulfill our calling; as we build our hope we work with gravity to accomplish a task instead of being knocked over by it. Scripture puts it this way..."Therefore my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm (make SECURE)  your calling and election, for if you do these things, you will never stumble and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:10-11
My friends, that is hope in training.

Thorn in My Side

There isn't much in my life that I truly regret; even the experiences I have had that one might classify as bad. For example, my parents divorce at 7 yo, the subsequent child custody battle, family turmoil, moving, job changes, health challenges etc ...... I don't regret  them because I've come now to the understanding that God used those experiences to draw me toward him and shape me for my calling. Some people come to Christ without much drama. Some people, like myself, need the drama for a dramatic conversion.
I guess for this reason I've always related a little bit to Saul, who became Paul. Paul required a dramatic conversion to come to Christ. If you remember, Saul was a devout Jewish leader who made it his priority to persecute Christians. He was there at the stoning of Stephen. But one day while walking along the road he finally "saw the light".  Jesus showed him himself, and he became a believer of Jesus. My testimony is similar in that I was going along in life calling all  the shots and they were taking me exactly where I didn't want to go. Until one day God showed me...me; I asked him for help, gave him the reigns, and I have been walking with him ever since. Since most of my choices and experiences prior to Jesus are what caused me to turn to him, I don't regret them. And I know that God uses all of them for our calling. Paul wrote these words. He seemed to understand that part of how/why he was saved was so that his prior self could be recycled by God.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—  not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2

But when I turn around and look over the shoulder of my life, there is one thing I do regret. I think my enemy knows it because he is always there to remind me of this shortcoming, despite any successes I have in Christ. For me, it is a trail of broken relationships. I'm a people person and for most of my life, I sought their approval. So for the fleshly me, it is heartbreaking to know about a list of people who don't like me or in my mind have rejected me.  Sometimes it was just plain my fault; I didn't know Christ then like I do now. Other times, it wasn't me, but the Christ in me that was rejected and caused the fracture. Either way, it's like a thorn in my side; a nagging hurt in my fleshly heart.  It caused me to wonder if this was the same for Paul. He speaks about it in 2nd Corinthians 12. There is a lot of theological debate about what his ailment was. A few things he says though have caused me to wonder if he was ever accepted the way the other apostles were. Despite his successes for Christ, was he always reminded of his behavior beforehand? When he preached, was there always someone there in the audience to torment him about the past? This is what he says.

"...and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
   My grace is enough; it's all you need.
   My strength comes into its own in your weakness."

I'm realizing this is a little bit of what is going on. My current struggle was caused by broken relationships. My enemy is right there to accuse me, torment me, and tweak the thorn. He says, "See...same old, same old. You fail." Trust me, I've been pleading with God to take this situation away; I begged him to redeem me, restore me, and make it better. Instead I've been pushed to my knees and become fully submissive to whatever he has in store for me and I accept my weaknesses in relationships because they keep me humble as it pertains to any of the successes I've had in Christ. But more importantly, I know that when the solution to my relational problem comes, it won't come from me, it will come from God and therefore he will be glorified.
Relationships are tough at times. But that is how God works. He places us as Christians in the world and forces us to rub up against each other. Sometimes the result is like sandpaper...a little abrasive. But the end result is that God is smoothing off some rough edges that need a little work. Once you realize that, failures, weakness, and limitations actually become successes if you let them; I've realized that God has and is using my failures as an opportunity for Christ to show himself in me. Paul says it like this:
"Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."

Culturally Backwards

If you have been watching the news lately then you are aware of the scandal regarding a certain congressman who was caught "sexting" to multiple women thus being publicly unfaithful to his pregnant wife. The debate rages over whether this dirty weiner-dog should step down from his position or not; once caught, he also proceeded to lie about the whole thing until he couldn't keep up the charade any longer. Several moral elements of the debate have really caught my attention and thus my fingers went to the keyboard once again.
First, I remember the day when being a politician was considered a noble profession. It was similar in its expectations to any of the other noble professions, like doctor, lawyer, or clergy. There was a inherent level of trust that was placed upon the shoulders of the person occupying that position. This is not to say that all professions should carry some degree of morality. However, trust is paramount because in these professions individuals make themselves vulnerable to the ethics and morals of the person who performs that duty; this is true on a municipal level like a politician or at the personal/physical level such as a physician. One fundamental characteristic of that trust is truth-telling. Noble professions demand that the professional says what they mean and mean what they say; the greater good depends upon it. As a doctor, when I examine someone and document it; my findings should be true and not altered to benefit me and not the patient.  Somehow culturally this is changing; we have dropped our standards when it comes to politicians. Or is it just politicians? In our cultural minds eye, we somehow believe it is possible to be a good congressman, president, or statesman but not morally ethical in other areas of our lives such as fidelity or truth-telling. How did this happen? I remember the day I graduated from medical school the entire class took the Hippocratic Oath. The first vow taken is that " I will do no harm." This promise inherently has someone's else best interest before your own. How is it possible to separate the two?
I will suggest it is not. They go hand in hand. How one sets his moral compass and to what standard he or she compares himself cannot be separated from how that person conducts them-self in their profession. Period. If a person is willing to cheat on  their spouse, or commit any other obviously sinful act, then who can say emphatically they are somehow trustworthy when it comes to their "noble profession"?

"The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." Romans 13:8-10

Along these lines I have often struggled with the idea of patients who are self-confessed Christians, especially those in ministry, who choose to go to a non-Christian doctor. Now I do understand sometimes there are issues of competence and specialization and one might have to go to the most skilled for their particular situation. I also think God can use Christians to witness to non-believers in these situations. But when these are not issues, and particularly when there are choices for physicians who are both competent and believers, I would think a Christian would want a doctor with a known moral compass, especially when it comes to issues of life and death. This is quite a touchy situation and I have always tried to be respectful of how people choose their physician; however, lately this has really bothered me and this scandal helped me figure out why. In some ways, I think the two issues have similarities.

A few days ago Chris Matthews, a reporter on MSNBC, made the comment that the infamous congressman would have to be removed because if not it would hurt the democratic party too much. He said that Christian conservatives, "culturally backward, you could say" would never tolerate him like they would in New York. Okay Chris, at first this Christian conservative might be inclined to pull off my big hoop earrings and get ready to throw down because in  the South..."dems fightin' words"! But when I thought about it, I think I don't mind being called culturally backward. Really what he is saying is that as Christians we are not socially forward thinking and thus moving along in the direction society is going...which is tolerant of this type of behavior and willing to separate the personal behavior from the moral obligations of duty. Know what, Chris? I'll stay "backward" in my thinking and keep using my moral compass "Jesus" as the direction this ship should be sailing. Without a firm compass to stay on course, as Christians we will subtly drift. It's the natural pull of our surroundings. You have to fight to stay in the right direction. Every day we are presented with choices or directions. How we vote, choose our friends, and our professional relationships are all examples. When our daily choices don't reflect our professed beliefs, there is a disconnect between our theology and our reality; before you know it your ship has sailed into hostile territory where you didn't intend to navigate. God wants a church and people who are genuine in all their affairs, both seen and unseen.   Here is what the bible says is the direction our culture will continue to move in as we draw closer to Christ's return:

"There are difficult times ahead. As the end approaches, people are going to be self-absorbed, money-hungry, self-promoting, stuck-up, profane, contemptuous of parents, crude, coarse, dog-eat-dog, unbending, slanderers, impulsively wild, savage, cynical, treacherous, ruthless, bloated windbags, addicted to lust, and allergic to God. They'll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they're animals. Stay clear of these people. " 2nd Tim 3 MSG
Enough said.

I Found My Voice

Anyone close to me knows that I love to sing! Several years ago my husband got me a karaoke machine with wireless mic's for Christmas. I sang and entertained myself for over two hours...all by myself, I might add. Most of  the time spent in my car is spent singing. Yes, I am one of those people that you might look over at while stopped at a stoplight and I'll be belting out the chorus shamelessly. Most of the time I am singing praise music and some of  the most intimate moments between me and God have been in the front seat of my car.

Since shortly after the first of the year I haven't been doing much singing. Why? Well some of  the reasons were just circumstantial. Right now, I am unable to attend my church in Niceville due to my work situation. Part of my service there was singing regularly with the praise band during Contemporary Worship services. For right now, that has ceased.

I take voice lessons every week; I've done so for about four years. I'm lucky that my voice instructor just so happens to also be my best friend. So each week is part voice instruction, part fellowship, and sometimes... part therapy.  Right after the New Year my friend had a baby. Naturally all of her voice students had to take a break from instruction. The problem was when I came back I had lost a good bit of technique.  It seemed like such a struggle to sing. If you know anything about good singers, the more you struggle to make the noise the worse it sounds. Good singers make it look effortless. This is not to say there is not a lot of effort in the form of training your vocal apparatus to make those sounds, but once trained the mechanism should not strain to produce the sound.
I began to realize something else though. It wasn't just the technique that was failing....I was struggling to find the song in my heart. As a result, it was an effort to sing and it showed.
I saw a biographical show that Shania Twain is doing right now on T.V. If you are not aware, her husband left her after having an affair with her best friend. It is obvious from her testimony and the show that Shania still carries a lot of pain surrounding the events, even though she has already remarried. The interesting thing is that she tells the audience that all the events have also caused her to lose her famous voice; she struggles now with her singing and is trying to get it back. In her own words, she describes the feeling you get in your throat when you want to cry and you are trying to hold it in...that throat clenching tightness that forces one to swallow hard. She chronically carries that feeling around.  Tight vocal cords don't bode well for singing.
When life hands you circumstances you didn't ask for, but you are trying to hold it together in your own strength, the result is anything but lyrical. I think this was me the first few months. Like Shania, I felt like a humbled victim. I couldn't find my voice or my song.
In the last month, a few things have changed. First, some godly counseling changed my mindset from walking humbly to walking boldly. Second, I have come to the full heart realization that God fights my battles for me (see my previous posts). With that came a peace and the angst I felt in my heart and in my throat has disappeared. Lastly, I have actually started to see God work in my situation. I know we are supposed to walk by faith and not sight, but it sure does help to witness a few God-interventions in your circumstances. I have begun to see a real tangible change in the atmosphere at work now that certain people have either been removed or their evil intentions have been brought to the light. The enemy wants to steal your song; God works to show you he will be your voice when you have none. (Romans 8:26-28 MSG "Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.") Recently I read about when David was restored as King of Israel after he was rescued by God from all his enemies and Saul. What does he do? He sings. His song is chronicled in 2nd Samuel 22. It is an amazing praise song about God's unfailing love to those who live by his commands and how he himself will restore, redeem, and protect them.
Last week at voice lessons, I broke through.  As my dear friend said, "You're back. You found the song in your heart again." Indeed I did. And just like King David, it is a song of praise. Hallelujah!

I Know That You are For Me

All of us have struggles. Each of us have battles to fight. Sometimes the war rages against our circumstances, or the people around us; other times the battle is within. Either way, trials are where our faith gets tested. It's where the rubber meets the road. When you are up against something bigger than yourself, you have to ask where is your confidence going to come from to get through it. For many Christians there is a big gap between their theology and their reality. They leave their faith on the pew each week and expect to make through the next six days on their own strength wondering why at the end of the week they feel defeated, disconnected, and end up achieving anything but peace. God's word is supposed to be practical; institute it into your daily living and the automatic result is less drama and more peace regardless of your circumstances.
"The fruit of that righteousness will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever." Isaiah 32:7
Believing God is what closes the gap.
It doesn't matter what you are battling....for respect, for love, for self-worth, for purpose...the answer is the same and the true battle rages within. Will you believe what God says about your circumstances or will you take the matter into your own hands in attempts to achieve your desired end? The bible tells us "The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm." Exod 14:14. In fact, scripture specifically tells us that when we are being attacked the Lord will fight for us SEVEN times. Usually anything God repeats in scripture he is making a point to emphasize; I think he wants us to know this one.
Why so important? Because the fact of the matter is, when we refuse to allow God to be God in our circumstance, then we are elevating the 'thing' we desire above God. That automatically defines it as an idol and something happens in our hearts when we worship something other than God. Our hearts become hardened. I've recently witnessed this in some folks that are pretty close to me. It's hard to watch people struggle to achieve their hearts' desire in their own strength getting further away from God. They become less able to hear his voice on other matters. The harder one's heart is, the harder it is for God to squeeze out things like un-forgiveness, jealousy, pride, or greed.  This is the ultimate reason why God wants us to let him fight our battles for us...he ultimately cares about matters of our heart more than anything else.
The bible is full of examples of people who took matters into their own hands when they didn't think God was going to come through for them or he wasn't doing it fast enough. Usually they don't end well, fail to satisfy, and wreak unintended consequences. The whole point is to learn from them; there are some things we can learn in the classroom and therefore don't need to take the field trip! Amen to that. I'm choosing to learn from these stories and by watching some examples that are up close in and person.

One of the best biblical examples for illustrating what happens to the heart when we don't rely on God to fight for us occurs between Leah and Rachel. If you don't know the story, Jacob fell in love with Rachel and wanted to marry her; he agreed to work for her father for 7 years if he agreed to give her in marriage. She was the younger more beautiful sister of Leah. On their wedding night, Laban their father deceived Jacob and brought Leah to him instead. Jacob was very upset because he really loved Rachel. So Laban agreed to give him Rachel for another 7 years of work. Leah knew that Jacob loved Rachel, but she hoped that by giving him children she would capture his heart. Leah did not look to God for her desperate desire to be loved or chosen. Look what happens to her heart. As she continues to give him sons, she attaches a name to them that shows what is happening in her heart.
1. First she had Reuben, "surely my husband will love me."
2. Later she had Levi ,"my husband will become attached to me."
3. Then she had Zebulun, "my husband will treat me with honor."
4. When she couldn't conceive anymore, she gave him her maidservant, Zilpah.
5. Rachel asks Leah for some mandrakes and in exchange allows Leah to sleep with Jacob; she doesn't even wait for him to come home but runs out to meet him. She knew she wasn't loved. She knew Rachel would always be chosen, but she runs to meet him for just one night of something that might feel just a little like love.
Her heart has become so jaded, and hardened by not trusting God and feeling defeated that she is willing to give herself to someone for merely crumbs in return. She sacrificed God's best for her because she didn't trust he could fix her situation.

By contrast, there are two good examples in scripture we can use to pattern our own behavior.
1. Cry out to God in prayer.  When you feel like your situation if hopeless and a battle bigger than you can fight alone, tell God about it. God loves to rescue his people! 2nd Chronicles 32 tells the story of Sennacherib the King of Assyria attacking Jerusalem. The  Jewish king at the time was a faithful man named  Hezekiah, which means 'God is my Strength'. He told the people, "Do not be afraid or discouraged because the king of Assyria and the vast army with him, for there is a greater power with us than with him."

"But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world." 1st John 4:4

Immediately the enemy attacked this notion. Sennacherib asked, "On what are you basing your confidence...?"  For Hezekiah it was God and despite how terrifying or dismal the situation looked, "he cried out in prayer to heaven. And the Lord sent any angel who annihilated all the fighting men and leaders of the Assyrian king." In our own strength, things are dismal and impossible to fix. But "for man it is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matt 19:26  Do you believe it or is it something you just sing about on Sunday?

2. Always rely on God to fight the battle for you, even when you have the upper hand.
King David was described in  the bible as a "man after God's own heart." 1st Sam 13:14 This does not mean that he was sinless, but he was quick to align his behavior with the heart of God. Twice David had the opportunity to kill King Saul who was chasing him and trying to kill him. Both times he did not do it. Later when presented the opportunity to take revenge on a mean spirited man named Nabal, he did not after Abigail persuaded him not to. He responded this way, " May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from...avenging myself with my own hands"....later Nabal's "heart failed him and he became like a stone. About ten days later, the Lord struck Nabal and he died."
This one is harder. It's easier I think to turn it over to God when you have no choices. But when one of those choices is exerting power in your own abilities rather than trusting God, the battles heats up. Let me tell you from experience, there will be a myriad of voices telling you to just "Do it." Just like in the Nike commercial and in the ears of David. You will be very tempted and can easily justify it. But the result to your own heart is the same...it hardens and becomes less able to hear the still quiet voice of God. 
I've figured out that this is one of the big lessons that I am supposed to learn during this season of life. God will fight for me. All I have to do is stay calm. I also need to resist the urge to take it into my own hands, especially when presented with the upper hand to do so. I'm not saying this is easy. There are days when I feel like I am "spiritually bi-polar." Not to make light of this mental illness at all, but I do vacillate at times between a vibrant faith and then feeling like my world is about to end. The key is staying very close to God.Pressed in...especially during battle.  Allowing God to fight for me keeps my heart tender and pliable to his hand. This is what it is all about. God wants me to know he is for me. God wants me to know he is God. A song that speaks so loudly to me and this notion is Kari Jobe's "I know that you are for me". The lyrics echo the intended sentiment of this blog post.
I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me of who you are.

Kari Jobe: You Are For Me

Jen's Job; Part II The "Friends" Comment on his Status

I wonder if they had Facebook back in Job's time how his status would have read. Let me remind you what happens to Job all in chapter one of the tale. First, God directs Satan's attention to his blameless servant, Job. Next God removes a "hedge" of protection that allows Satan to attack him and his family.  As a result, in the course of just a few paragraphs, Job loses all his worldly belongings and all his children are killed.
Job's first status post is this: " The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised."
The scripture goes on to say, " In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing." (Job 1:22) This tells us that Job knew God's nature was good, and simply because something bad happens in the natural does not mean that God's supernatural nature has changed; he is same...the Alpha and Omega. Human love may fail, but God's does not. Therefore, when things don't go our way, don't respond by attacking God's character. I know that despite my current circumstances, my God is good and will work this out to my good as well. (Rom 8:28)

"When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone;  but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed." James 1:13-14

When Job refused to falter in his faith, Satan again enters God's presence. God points out to Satan, " Have you considered my servant Job?...And he still maintains his integrity, though you have incited me against him to ruin him without any reason." Satan responds by telling God that if he is allowed to attack Job's body, striking his flesh and bones, he will surely curse God. Therefore, God allows Satan to afflict him with painful sores from soles of his feet to the top of his head.
His FB status probably would have read something like this: My enemy now is attacking the strength of my flesh, knowing that the "spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak" (Matt 26:41).
If it wasn't enough to have lost all that he valued and be emotionally grieving the deaths of all his children, now he has physical problems to boot. I can relate. Last week my enemy started attacking me physically and now on top of everything emotional and financial I am having to deal with at work, I am facing some health issues that are demanding my faith in God to persevere through. What next, one might say?

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body." 2nd Corinth 4:8-11

Job's wife is the first to comment on his status; she chastises him by saying, "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!" Job replies, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble? In all this, Job did not sin in what he said." Job 2:10

The remaining chapters of Job are a discussion between Job and his "friends" and then finally with God himself. It is interesting when you are going through something tough the comments that people will make. Some people say nothing because they don't know what to say or they really aren't interested in getting too close. I've found this to be true in my case as well; there are a lot of people I work with who know full well what it being done to me and have said nothing. We learn from scripture that Job was a very prominent man, yet only three people come to see him. When they arrive, they can see he is in such a state that initially they sit with him for seven days and nights saying nothing, "because they saw how great his suffering was. " Job2:13
When they finally do speak, three of Job's friends work hard to convince him that he must have done something wrong or committed some sin to deserve what God has allowed to happen. One tells him, "Know this: God has even forgotten some of your sin." Ouch. Nothing like a friend to remind you of all your shortcomings. All the while, Job clings to his righteousness as a defense.  Interestingly enough, I've had the same thing happen to me in the last few weeks. It has been suggested that I brought this all upon myself. Surely, I know exactly what it is that I did that caused the attack.  I've been taught this occurs because our enemy wants us to take the attack personally when the reality is that it is not us who is being attacked, but the Christ in us. Therefore, the battle is not ours, it is the Lord's to fight. Job understood that because this is true, Christ intercedes in Heaven on our behalf.
"Even now my witness is in heaven; my advocate is on high. My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God; on behalf of a (wo)man he pleads with God as a man pleads for his friend." Job 16:20-21


"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Heb 4:15-16


Finally, a man named Elihu speaks to Job. He basically tells him that neither our sins nor our righteousness really affect God's ultimate plans; he will accomplish them with or without us. The fact is, the attack comes because God is getting ready to do something big and the enemy doesn't want it to happen. Elihu tells him,
"But those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction. He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food. But now you are laden with the judgment due the wicked; judgment and justice have taken hold of you. Be careful that no one entices you by riches; do not let a large bribe turn you aside. Beware of turning to evil, which you seem to prefer instead of affliction." I think he is telling Job, when we suffer we are very close to God and therefore are able to hear things from him we would otherwise not be able to. So, why do we try so hard to get out of these situations? Why are we always looking for a shortcut out?
"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil,  for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies." Psalm 23:4-6

The last to speak is the Lord himself. God tells Job, "Everything under heaven belongs to me." Job 41:11 He asks Job this question: "Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself?" God basically tells Job that man is not capable of understanding all the mysteries and wonders available to God and that his plans never fail. It is in this that we should have faith, not in our own righteousness. Job's status after encountering God is this: "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted." Job 42:2

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Phil. 4:13
At this realization, Job repents. "After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before." The fact is, its not my goodness or badness that got me into this particular situation. It's God's will. He is using this entire situation to prepare me for something; I've had many godly friends tell me exactly that. I think learning that our righteousness as Christians is not something to take pride in is a very important lesson for any type of ministry, especially as it relates to our relationships....or "friends."
I was told at the beginning of the year that this was "A Year of Favor" from the Lord; at first glance you might question that. In the natural, things are pretty dismal.  But don't put down the book before reading the last chapter. Isaiah 61 tells that the year of Lord's favor ends like this...
"Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice at their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs...and all who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the Lord has blessed." May it be to me (and my 'Job' situation) Lord as your word has spoken.


 

Jen's Job....a play on words part I

I'm still waiting...which I'm beginning to believe is one of the major lessons for this season in my life. Nothing much has changed about my current situation; in fact, in some ways it has gotten worse. Because I am now entering the fourth month of my 'captivity' I've really been struggling with the purpose behind it all. When I first entered this season of life, it came right on the heels of our family's new years resolution to participate in the "Radical Experiment." It was a significant spiritual covenant for our family and any time you plan to conquer new ground for God you can expect an attack from the enemy. So initially I thought my current life events were an attack. But when things don't change, and God doesn't immediately come to your rescue, it is natural I think to begin to question, "Is this an attack from the enemy or is it a test from God?" I started to think it was much more of a test because it wasn't being resolved quickly. But when another wave came and hit me, and that wave was full of hostility, evil intent, deceit, and fear...I knew who was the force behind this whole situation. This is an attack from my enemy. He's not known as the Accuser, the Father of Lies, and the Serpent for nothing. He owns those names because it's the way he operates and he loves having people on Earth who will do his dirty work for him. Someone I highly respect told me that if something is a test, we should walk in humility. But if it is an attack we should walk boldly and courageous (with the full armor of God). What kind of walk should I have? How does that translate into daily living?
The Holy Spirit reminded me of a well known biblical character that people often debate as to whether his afflictions were an attack or test. The Lord told me to read the story of Job. (is this God's sense of humor since my problem is at work?)  God's word is alive and active (Heb 4:12) and it is amazing how a bible story you have read before will come alive to you when it has something new to speak into your current situation. The story of Job begins by telling us that Job was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil. What does blameless mean? Does it mean he didn't sin? No; Romans tell us that we all sin and fall short of the glory of God. Only Jesus was sinless. Blameless means he didn't intend or set out to sin; yes, he was human and made mistakes and did not live up to everything God's law commands of us. But he feared God and when he saw evil in others, or in himself, he was quick to go the other direction. We are also told he was wealthy in material goods.
In the first scene set for us, the angels come to present themselves to God. Satan also comes into the Lord's presence after "roaming through the earth and going back and forth in it."
--"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings." 1st Peter 5:7-9
The Lord said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant, Job? Okay stop right there. Why would the Lord direct our enemy's attentions towards us? Truth be told, if he is prowling for someone to devour, I'm trying to fly under the radar. I'd rather he pass me by and mess with someone else. Satan responds by reminding God that he has put a "hedge around him and his household...you have blessed the work of his hands"; if you remove that hedge, surely Job will curse God.
This passage pretty much tells us that the enemy can only have access to true believers only if God first allows it; a "hedge of protection" has to be removed first. And the access he is allowed is only as much as God grants. This brings us back to our initial dilemma. Is it an attack or a test? Or.....is it a little of both? I'm going to suggest it is both based on the scripture I have read and what is going on in my own heart during this season of life. I know that I have been attacked. And based on scripture I have to believe that God allowed it to happen, which is the part that is a test. He would only allow it because he knows that ultimately it can be worked for my good. Being given more than I can handle on my own has caused me to press in closer to God than I probably have ever been. I hang on his every word waiting for his will to be revealed.
Like Job, "what I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil." Eventually Job is so overwhelmed emotionally, and physically that he actually just wants God to take his life. He wanted to quit:
--"We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God who raises the dead." 2nd Corinth 8-9  This is the scriptural proof that sometimes God does give you more than you handle, but only for a single purpose.
God knows that if through the attack we learn to press closer into him, we ultimately will defeat our enemy by persevering. Persevering through the attacks matures our faith. (James 1) Maturing in our faith ultimately makes our faith more genuine. I remember my pastor's wife used to tell a story that she slept on the top bunk of a bunk bed and always kept falling out. Her mother told her, "don't stay so close to the edge. that way you won't fall out." The same is true for our faith; we have to keep pressing inward.
--"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." 2nd Corinth 8-9
Satan intends for the attack to cause our faith to ultimately weaken and eventually fail. But God knows we have the ability to persevere and that's why he allows it in the first place; rather than cursing God, we end up giving glory to Jesus Christ. So HA! You thought your attack was going to cripple me and discredit my God, but in reality all your doing is making my faith more genuine. So, I thank you.  How's that for boldness?