So What Does 40 Look Like?

Today is my 40th birthday. Not quite as emotional as 30 was for some reason, but significant nonetheless. I've had several people comment when I told them this birthday I was turning the big 4-0, "You definitely don't look like you're 40." Which caused me to start thinking, "What does 40 look like?" Now don't get me wrong! I thoroughly enjoy being told that I still have a youthful appearance. This is especially in light of the fact that all my beauty efforts are now designed towards maintenance rather than necessarily achieving. Reflecting on this past year makes those efforts seem kind of comical. Why? Because I asked myself, "Instead of taking a worldly view, let's ask 'What does 40 look like to God?'. This past year has shown me emphatically that God is not concerned at all with maintenance. "See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19
1. What about 40?
Our God is very concerned with numbers. They have great significance to him and therefore He is very deliberate in his use of them. Forty is generally considered the number that signifies a time of trial, testing, and preparation that is followed by restoration and blessing. The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years as a consequence of their own disbelief in God. "Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD." (Deut 8:1-3)
This year I learned through Beth Moore's 'So Long Insecurity' that my insecurities are really a lack of faith. Through God's help I have been able to let go of some life long ones. I'm testifying to the Grace of God that I can honestly say that things that hurt my heart and therefore caused me to act foolish for 40 years no longer have that affect on me. That is huge. Why this took 40 years is the mystery of God's omniscience. Several years ago I asked God to give me a 'verse' each January for the next year of my life; I make a scrapbook page in January with a picture of myself for that year. This year my verse was Revelation 3:7-8. "I am the one who is holy and true. I hold the keys that belonged to David. When I open a door, no one can close it. And when I close a door, no one can open it. Listen to what I say. I know everything you have done and I have placed before you an open door that no one can close."  My vow for 2010 was: "Expect God to do something unprecedented in 2010: He will open doors in my life and I will be obedient to walk through them and put my feet on the land given to me." And then I added Isaiah 43:18-19 (Forget the former things; do not dwell in the past. I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?)  I had no idea back in January what God was getting ready to do! We were getting ready to walk out of my wilderness; my struggles in the early part of 2010 were "making a way in the desert and streams in my wasteland." I needed all of this to be ready for what God has planned next in my life.
2. Wisdom over knowledge.
When I was younger proving how smart I was to everyone around me was vital. Vital to what you ask? My self worth. My accolades were like trophies in the thought closet of my heart. Graduated high school at 16. Started medical school at 19 yo and youngest in her entire class. Graduated medical school at 22 yo with honors. Top of her residency class. Chairman of Junior Fellows for Air Force section of ACOG. Flight commander for Eglin Ob/Gyn. I valued both my appearance and intelligence and often used the latter as a weapon. My son Ben recently told me an American Indian proverb. "Gain wisdom not knowledge, for knowledge is of the past, but wisdom is of the future." The bible states it like this, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. All who follow his precepts have good understanding." (Prov 111:10) I had no idea when I was younger that what I valued actually made me a fool and kept me stuck in my past. "We know that all possess knowledge. Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." (1st Corin 8:1) To God, love is everything. It's so amazing to me how he has completely turned around  what I value; seeking more knowledge of him is everything to me. Knowledge that is never meant to be used as a weapon or to puff up. "If I have the gift of prophecy, and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." So today I welcome anything that strips away my former love of self knowledge, even if my pride suffers a little dent. In this past year, my 'knowledge' has been devalued more than I have ever experienced in my whole life. However, God has made it abundantly clear it is necessary for what the next ten years will hold. I trust him.  It may have taken 40 years of wandering, but God is not about maintaining the old. We're getting ready to do a new thing. Looking at my reflection (Proverbs 27:19),I see renewal not maintenance and I'm liking how 40 looks to God.

Don't Attract Trouble With Your Voice

I heard a really interesting message on controlling what we say as believers. There is power in the spoken word. So as believers we have to be keen to not only listening for the voice of our Shepherd among the many voices out there but also the sound of our own. Jesus told us in John 10 that He is our Shepherd and we are like sheep; we hear his voice and follow him. We are told that there will be false prophets...other voices in our lives, that are thieves and robbers. They will have all kinds of things to say about you, to you, and if you let them in...in you. They will shout you're not good enough, holy enough, changed enough... you fill in the blank, to ever be useful or treasured by God.  Whatever it is that has injured your heart in the past, they will echo it.  They seek only to steal, kill, and destroy. Steal what? Your joy. The crazy thing is that the very sounds of your voice can attract that kind of trouble. Matthew 7 tells us these false voices "come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves." They attack the flock and scatter it. (John 10:12).
We don't have lots of wolves around these parts. We do have lots of coyotes though. Coyotes can be just as dangerous as wolves; I saw one in our neighborhood once chasing a fox. The fox got away...interestingly Jesus told us "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as inoffensive as a dove." (Matt 10:16) Don't give the coyotes a reason to look your direction! I just learned about this one.  Foxes are known to be pretty cunning creatures; after the fox got away, that neighborhood coyote stood and stared directly at me. Fortunately I was with Greg, who encouraged me to keep walking briskly.
Coyote, as do most similar creatures, hunt in packs. A victim is chosen and the group works together to expose and prey on a perceived weakness. I have found this approach to be true of most of the 'voices' who will seek to steal your joy; it won't come from a lone attacker. Have you noticed how quickly a pack mentality forms around negative voices? How can you recognize the wolves? "By their fruit you will recognize them." Matt 7:16. They will lack love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, or self control.
If you want to hunt coyotes, guess what type of animal call you would use? The sound of an injured rabbit. Yep, that's right. An injured animal making sounds of distress attracts it predators. So let's draw an analogy between us as sheep and the wolves seeking to destroy us.
When something happens that injures our pride or our hearts, we have a choice regarding the words we choose to speak about it. I'm not suggesting not being able to verbalize your hurts; rather it is how we speak about them OUT LOUD  that makes all the difference. To God, cry out all your hurts. But to each other, we should offer voices of faith. When we don't, we are not a unified voice as believers and we allow the enemy into our flock. Doubt, dissension, gossip, bitterness...they focus on our injury and they attract wolves who will attack us and keep us separated. As believers we should speak about what God is going to do in our situation; a voice of Faith. We have to declare out loud what God's truth/his word speaks over our current situation. This was a good reminder for me. Don't underestimate the spoken word. God's words are sharper than any double edged sword...(Hebrews 4:12)...pretty good for scaring off coyotes.